April

Well, looks like things are a bust at LDSFS.. They have a policy about not working with families that have more then 2 children.. so, since Hubby has kids from his first marriage, even though we didn't raise any of them, etc, etc.. we're not eligible to work with them.
I'm a bit of a heart broken mess. Not sure why they didn't nix us for that the first time we spoke with them years ago, but here we are. They won't even provide us with a home study that we could maybe use elsewhere... Was hoping for at least that much since they charge much less then everyone else we've been told about in state (like 2-3 times less...) So now, I don't know where we're going on that front. I really thought that maybe this would be something.. 

And, of course, it's National Infertility Awareness week, which just makes things all the more painful.. but, what can I do?

We're still waiting for another foster placement. Who knows when that will happen or what that will bring. And I'm going to be going low-tech for the next month or so.. one of our neighbors is going out of state to deal with some family medical issues and couldn't take her kids, so I will be watching them during the day while her husband is at work. Was planning on using the little bit of money I'll be getting from this on our home study. Now, who knows.. from what we've been told it won't cover the cost from any other agency.. But I don't know..

I just want to be mommy so bad and it just hurts so very much that I can't be.

Changes... again..

Ok.. so it's been a while.. a lot of nothing has happened on the adoption or fostering front.. It's been a quiet winter since our "almost" Thanksgiving..
Hubby and I just finished a few adopting through foster care type classes. We've learned a lot and have started making some connections that might help us down the line. I will be attending another class in June, and we might be doing some other stuff in July.. we will see how all of that goes. I have a LOT of phone calls and emails to make this week.
It was also a bit depressing as we learned that part of why we haven't been getting calls for placement is because our name is at the bottom of the list, due to alphabetical placement. *sigh* That is always annoying to hear, as there really isn't much we can do about it but wait and hope.
Some of this has led to some possible changes we might be making, or adding to our quest to be parents. Years ago we had started talking with LDS Family Services about their adoption program. We had just gotten started with it when we moved and had some other things come up and it got halted, and then other things happened and we just never got back to them. Then Hubby deployed, and then, well, we decided to try adopting through foster care. But after some discussion today, Hubby said that maybe it was time to call them again. So that's another call I will be making this week. I've no idea how we will pay for an adoption from them after the set backs we've had this year (more on that in a bit..) but I am sure that, if it happens, we will find a way!
Now, as for those set backs.. About a week after my last post (so early December) I came down with a really, really bad case of whatever stomach bug was going around. It was nasty. I became severely dehydrated and my blood pressure dropped by at _least_ 40 points.. So early December was not a fun time for me as it was all wait and see if I'm going to wind up hospitalized.. Thankfully, I did manage to recover and all is once again well with the world of my health. No idea why it hit me so much harder then it hit everyone else, but so hope it doesn't ever come back..  Other things..  you may recall Hubby had gotten laid off late last summer. He'd found a job fairly quickly, only about a month of unemployment, but it was at a much lower pay rate then he'd been at previously. We managed, but things were tight. And then we had some trouble with our septic line, which ate up a chunk of our savings.. Anyway, 6 months later, just before Valentine's day.. Hubby got laid off, again. Very unexpectedly, very suddenly and at the very worst time possible. Just days before his company laid him off, another company laid off about 70 electricians, so the market was flooded. It has taken 2 months for him to find a job, but we are so happy that he is working again. It has been very hard the last 2 months. We've eaten through most of what was left of our savings and had to dip into some credit in order to keep everyone paid. Thankfully, we have a very well stocked and large pantry and food storage, so we've been able to not worry about where the next meal would come, and even have been able to eat "normally" with only a few items needed from the store here and there. Of course, now I need to restock! :)
He still won't be making his "big" wages from before his first lay off, but it is a good job, should be stable, and it is something he really thinks he is going to enjoy doing (because he will be able to pretend he's part of the Thunderbird team.. lol). He will be working mostly doing maintenance of equipment for an oil spill response team, though at the moment, most of his work will be in town, so he is looking forward to an improvement in the weather so he can ride his motorcycle to work.
Anyway, so that is where we are right now. We're still waiting, but doing what we can to move forward and try to make ourselves a better potential home.

the placement that almost was

This past weekend was a very hard one for me. Thanksgiving was this past week and my middle step-daughter flew in for the weekend, so we had both the younger girls, and the older one and the grand daughter were all over for our big dinner. Now, the girls' maternal grandparents live up here too, so they often go to see them while they are here. This year, their mother was also up to visit her parents for Thanksgiving, so the 2 younger girls went over to the grandparents' home for Thursday's festivities, so we decided to have ours on Friday. This really isn't all that unusual, as we've had all sorts of work schedule and flight delays and such, so it's something that happens once in a while.. Anyway, Friday comes around and Tom and the girls decide to go into Anchorage to do some Black Friday shopping while I get things going at home. (For the record, I did black Friday once.. and have vowed never to do it again, so my going wasn't an option.. lol and it's kinda nice to have the house to myself and calmly get things together, not to mention getting to sleep in a bit..) So I'm home alone, cooking and getting a few things taken care of when the phone rings. It's OCS asking if we'd be willing to possibly take a medically fragile 6/7 month old little girl. She was worn without a pituitary gland and her parents were having trouble dealing with the required medical care. (Basically, she needs daily shots, weekly doctor's visits and her stress levels have to be carefully watched... there's other stuff too, but that's the basics..) They had been having trouble caring for her and their older toddler and the state was looking at stepping in for the baby. So I texted Tom the let him know that he needed to call me as soon as he could. I swear, I barely hit send when the phone rang and it was Tom. He was calling about something entirely different, but it was crazy. So I talked to him about this, and he agreed that it was something we could do. So I called them back and told them we'd be willing, and they were going to have another case worker call me with the details. It was back and forth all day as they were dealing with the parents and the doctors and everything. And, of course, I was now running around trying to take an inventory of what I have, what I'd need, etc.. But, but by about 2PM, we got the call saying they were not going to be taking the child into custody, mom was starting to finally seem to get the training they were trying to give her, so, they all went back out to the village. I, of course, was devastated. I mean, I'm glad that mom and dad were starting to get things and all, but, I had gotten so excited about this placement possibility.. a baby in the house for Christmas and all.. It has taken me days to get over this failed placement. I never even saw her picture nor was I told her name, but those few short hours where she was a possibility.. I got very attached to her. They will be keeping us in mind if they need to pull her later, though, and I got to speak to several new caseworkers who will be able to keep us in mind for other cases as well, and they know we're interested in adoption, too, so.. networking, that would be the silver lining.

And off she goes...

Last Friday our little foster girl left us. It is a good move for her. They found a foster placement that could take her and her siblings, so they can all be together again. So it's a good thing for her. Has been hard for me though. Tom was gone most of last week, working on a little island out in the middle of nowhere. The sort of place where you bring all your food with you because there isn't anything at all out there. So he wasn't home for the transfer. It's just hard though. I'm getting the room all ready for Christmas though, just in case we get another placement by then. I really hope we get an adoptable placement soon. I need that. Really. I need that.

November

Ok.. I just have to say.. I would so like to go back and redo the last month completely differently, not due to anything related to H, really, though we have seen the end of the honeymoon period and she has started pushing more, but mostly due to other household and teenager related issues... We had our home visit and all of that went well. We had an actual visit with mom on Halloween. It was kind of short notice and there were some last minute changes, but she did get to visit with mom for a bit, which was good. And she continues to have nightly phone calls with dad. We got a call from the caseworker today. H will be leaving us this week, they are just waiting on an approval from her tribe and then they will be moving her into the same home her siblings are in. We will be sad to have her leave, but it will be good for her to be in the same home as her siblings, and will make scheduling easier for everyone. Not sure when she will be leaving. We were told that it could be Monday or Tuesday that they get the approval and then she'd likely to be moved that day or the next. So we wait and see, and then wait for the next placement, hoping, of course, that we will get an adoptable one soon.

about a month in

Well, we're not quite to the one month mark, but, a lot of crazy fun has happened. "H" is a great little girl. We are having so much fun with her. She is very smart and has been working with some really old computer software (muppet baby learning software, from like 1997...) on a really old laptop (about the only thing the lap top can run, and it's about the only thing that doesn't reject the software..) that is helping her with capitol and small letters and same and different, as well as her computer skills. She's also got a Sesame Street art program from the same era. There are a few other games in the program, but she's not quite up to them yet, but she is getting there. We have been going to story time at the library and she has been having fun. Last week we had a fireman there and they got to crawl around inside the fire truck. We also had a doctor's visit last week and are waiting on visits with the dentist and a cardiologist for a heart murmur the doctor noticed last week, though he's not worried about it, just, while she has access to care, get in as much as we can. She got to visit with her siblings 2 weeks ago, and this past weekend she got to visit with her maternal grandparents and an older sister that they are raising. Today we had a home visit with her caseworker and got caught up on what is going on. Looks like she will not be with us much longer as they are going to be moving on getting all 3 of the kids in the same home. There will be a meeting to plan that in about 2 weeks, and sometime after that, depending on how things go at the meeting, she will likely be leaving our care. This makes me sad, but at the same time, she really should be with her siblings, and the plan for these kids is reunification with their father, if not with their mother, so she doesn't really fit with our plans for adoption, so we will move on. And try not to have too much of a break down when she goes.

We have a Placement!!

Ok, you might be able to tell, we're excited. After having our license for a month, and waiting, and waiting for a placement, Thursday I had a doctor's appointment in town (which was also, thankfully, in the midst of a break in the rain and storms we've been having.. early Alaskan hurricanes going on the past month..) and as soon as I walked in the door, there was a phone call from OCS calling to see if we would be available to take placement of a 3 year old girl. So, of course, I said yes and I went in Friday at noon to pick her up. We don't have a whole lot of information on her just yet. She is 3.5 years old and she has a younger sister and older brother also in foster care. They have been in foster care since last Monday and while at their emergency intake placement, she had been bullying her younger sister, so it was decided to separate her for the time being. (Of course, all new foster homes are limited to a maximum of 2 children in care at a time for their first year anyway, so there was no way we could have taken all 3 regardless..) She is very bright, already knows her letters and numbers and colors, full of energy.. of course, she's 3 so the word "no" is a favorite and we are having the usual "i'm tired but not going to take a nap/go to bed if i can avoid it" melt downs as we try to establish a schedule and all, but over all, the last 2 days have gone very well and we are excited to have her here. We don't know yet if this will be a short term or a long term placement. They are still trying to get in touch with family members to see if any of them could take her and/or any of her siblings. If so, she could go with them at any time. So we are trying not to get too attached or make any long term plans with her just yet, but it's so very hard.. lol.. and we're kinda doing it anyway :)