Changes

Well, September has been a hard month for me. I turned 40 and a lot of things have weighed on my mind and my heart. By this point, I have figured a lot of things would be different then they wound up being and I've had a hard time processing some of my emotions this month.
We talked with our licensing case worker and made some changes. We're kind of playing guinea pig for a new "profile flagging" option in their computer system. We are supposed to be flagged right now as pre-adoptive placements only. We decided we needed to focus on that aspect at the moment, since that is our goal. We have gotten at least one call a week this month from case workers looking for short term placements. So there are some issues either with the flagging system, or with case workers not paying attention.. I have hated to tell them no, but, at the same time, it is what is needed right now. However, this whole process has given me the chance to talk to quite a few of the caseworkers, so at least they are getting to know me and do ask what we are looking for, so perhaps something will come of all of this.
Meanwhile, we wait, and every time the phone rings, I wonder if this is it or not again...

And off they go....

Well, that was short. M and M's grandparents came back from their vacation with the older brother and requested custody of the 2 younger children as well. It will be a good thing for the children. The baby was doing really well, but the little girl was really sad all the time. She was just starting to settle in a bit here, but she will really do better with her grandparents, it will be easier for her psychologically.

We will miss them, but the priority is what is best for them. From what we hear, the grandparents are going to be seeking permanent custody because of the situation, and this was apparently not the first time the kids have been taken, so I hope they can provide a more stable environment for them.

So, I'm cleaning everything and getting things ready for the next round. We have asked to be moved to pre-adoptive placements only, so not sure how long it will be before we have another placement. M&M's caseworker sounded optimistic when I spoke with her when dropping off the kids. She asked what sort of placements we were looking for and I was honest with her. She mentioned there might be a few coming up soon, so we will see.

I am trying to stay positive and hopeful and as ready as I can be for whatever comes next.

August

Well, August is here. It's re certification month for us. We had our home check evaluation done last Tuseday (the 13th..) All went well for that, though I am thinking about making some changes in what we are looking for/doing. More on that if/when I figure anything out. Our licensing worker did ask if it would be ok for her to put us on a list for a prospective adoption placement for a sibling group. Oldest is a wee bit above what we "wanted" but within what we are licensed for. So we will have to see if anything comes of that..

Anyway, the following day, I got a phone call. Shortly after 5 pm, the phone rang and they wanted to know if we could take in an emergency placement. They were getting ready to take custody of 2 little kids and needed a place for them to come. "Could be one night, could be several," sort of thing. (which always means it could be several months or something as well....) 7 month old little boy, whom we shall call Mike, and a barely 3 year old little girl, whom we'll call Molly. Obviously, those aren't their names, but it will work, and combined, I can call them M&M.. which is just cute.. :)

No idea what the situation is or what happened, but they seem like great little kids. Molly, obviously, is sad about being here and just wants to go home. They had their first visit with mom on Friday and, oye, the ride back home afterwards was traumatic. Mom and dad call in the evenings before bed time to talk to Molly, though being a typical 2/3 year old, she doesn't really know how phone conversations work.. :)
Mike is a typical 7 month old. Bright, attentive, in to everything. Overall happy little baby. We will see how things go and how long they are here. We've been told that grand parents are likely going to step in, so, at present, we don't foresee them being here long term, but, you never know. Monday we have another parent visit, and a pre-existing doctor's appointment that mom is going to tag along for. Things could get interesting there.

They are keeping me busy though.. soon as one goes down for a nap, the other wakes up..
Will update when I get the chance.

Renewal.

Next week we are having our annual home inspection for our license renewal. I had hoped to have a serious placement by now. We don't. We haven't had an actual placement since December. At the training I went to in June, I was informed that the majority of placements they've had this year have been teenagers. We're licensed for ages 7 and under, so they haven't had any calls for us.
This has been a very hard year for me emotionally, and not having any movement at all in this has been depressing. I did have one short bright spot a few weeks ago. We got a call asking if we could do respite for a family in Anchorage. They have 5 older children and had twin 3 year old boys in foster care. Mom had just been in the hospital and needed a bit of a break and they had heard from members of our church that we had a foster license and didn't currently have a placement. There were some other things going on as well, but we had the boys with us for 4 days.
They were four exhausting, wonderful days where I was tired, but oh, so very happy. We bonded very quickly with the boys and I still miss them terribly. It's kind of cruel and funny that we left Anchorage so we could provide a better home, yet, if we were still in town, we'd have better luck at getting an adoptable placement.
Anyway, so I am busy prepping for our home inspection. I'm not worried about it. I know we have a good home environment, and I'm pas the point of panic for the licensing inspection. I'm also trying to deal with a sudden abundance of produce that we've gotten and am busy trying to do a lot of canning, freezing, and may even fire up the dehydrator.
And, because there must always be some minor disaster, our washing machine has broken. We took the whole thing apart last weekend to figure out what was wrong. It had had some drainage problems and was making horrid clunking noises. We did find the problem, and it is fixable, but we did have to pull it out into the middle of the basement floor and take it completely to pieces. The part has been ordered and we await delivery, but odds are it will not arrive before inspection, and we don't want to put it back together just to take it apart again.. and no one is in the basement at present, so, we shall just hope for the best on that score.. We also have a few bits of furniture down there still that need to go to Fairbanks for B2 who is now up there for college. A few things did not fit in or on her car, so they are awaiting another trip.
Things are crazy, as always. While we are waiting for the washing machine part, I have been visiting laundromats, which about shocked me to death at the rates these days.. I mean, sure, it's been 12 years since I've needed to go to on, but, yikes! $3.50 a load just o wash?? So after our initial "catch up" loads, I've been doing most things by hand at home. Thankfully our dryer still works, though, as warm as it's been, I'd just make Hubby put up the outside clothes line we have tucked away in the basement and pick up some clothes pins :)
Life is always a challenge. I just have to keep hoping that the placement I want and need will find it's way to me soon. Meanwhile, sounds like I"m about to come into raspberries :)

Pathways to Adoption

So last month I went to a training session for foster parents who are interested in adoption. While I was there I learned about a new program they are starting up where those of us wanting to adopt write up brief family profiles that will get sent to all the caseworkers in the state so when a child become adoptable, they will have a "short list" of available families.
Today, I got our profile finished and submitted. Yay!! So now we go back to waiting.. but, we're a step closer.

Etsy shop

I just started up an etsy store to try and help fund our adoption home study fees and, well, everything else.. :)  I've got a few baby quilts up right now, and am busy working on a few more to try and get those posted here soon, along with some other projects.  so please take a look and pass the word along :)  Thanks

http://www.etsy.com/shop/AccidentalPerfection

I've got a few little baby blankets posted in there right now, and am working on getting a few more done, and have a couple of other projects I'm working on as well and hope to get them posted soon as well.

So far we are still without a placement, so getting an adoption home study done might help a bit as it will mean we can look and think about children available in other states as well.
I do have another foster/adopt training day coming up later this month and that might help with networking.
I just hate the waiting

April

Well, looks like things are a bust at LDSFS.. They have a policy about not working with families that have more then 2 children.. so, since Hubby has kids from his first marriage, even though we didn't raise any of them, etc, etc.. we're not eligible to work with them.
I'm a bit of a heart broken mess. Not sure why they didn't nix us for that the first time we spoke with them years ago, but here we are. They won't even provide us with a home study that we could maybe use elsewhere... Was hoping for at least that much since they charge much less then everyone else we've been told about in state (like 2-3 times less...) So now, I don't know where we're going on that front. I really thought that maybe this would be something.. 

And, of course, it's National Infertility Awareness week, which just makes things all the more painful.. but, what can I do?

We're still waiting for another foster placement. Who knows when that will happen or what that will bring. And I'm going to be going low-tech for the next month or so.. one of our neighbors is going out of state to deal with some family medical issues and couldn't take her kids, so I will be watching them during the day while her husband is at work. Was planning on using the little bit of money I'll be getting from this on our home study. Now, who knows.. from what we've been told it won't cover the cost from any other agency.. But I don't know..

I just want to be mommy so bad and it just hurts so very much that I can't be.

Changes... again..

Ok.. so it's been a while.. a lot of nothing has happened on the adoption or fostering front.. It's been a quiet winter since our "almost" Thanksgiving..
Hubby and I just finished a few adopting through foster care type classes. We've learned a lot and have started making some connections that might help us down the line. I will be attending another class in June, and we might be doing some other stuff in July.. we will see how all of that goes. I have a LOT of phone calls and emails to make this week.
It was also a bit depressing as we learned that part of why we haven't been getting calls for placement is because our name is at the bottom of the list, due to alphabetical placement. *sigh* That is always annoying to hear, as there really isn't much we can do about it but wait and hope.
Some of this has led to some possible changes we might be making, or adding to our quest to be parents. Years ago we had started talking with LDS Family Services about their adoption program. We had just gotten started with it when we moved and had some other things come up and it got halted, and then other things happened and we just never got back to them. Then Hubby deployed, and then, well, we decided to try adopting through foster care. But after some discussion today, Hubby said that maybe it was time to call them again. So that's another call I will be making this week. I've no idea how we will pay for an adoption from them after the set backs we've had this year (more on that in a bit..) but I am sure that, if it happens, we will find a way!
Now, as for those set backs.. About a week after my last post (so early December) I came down with a really, really bad case of whatever stomach bug was going around. It was nasty. I became severely dehydrated and my blood pressure dropped by at _least_ 40 points.. So early December was not a fun time for me as it was all wait and see if I'm going to wind up hospitalized.. Thankfully, I did manage to recover and all is once again well with the world of my health. No idea why it hit me so much harder then it hit everyone else, but so hope it doesn't ever come back..  Other things..  you may recall Hubby had gotten laid off late last summer. He'd found a job fairly quickly, only about a month of unemployment, but it was at a much lower pay rate then he'd been at previously. We managed, but things were tight. And then we had some trouble with our septic line, which ate up a chunk of our savings.. Anyway, 6 months later, just before Valentine's day.. Hubby got laid off, again. Very unexpectedly, very suddenly and at the very worst time possible. Just days before his company laid him off, another company laid off about 70 electricians, so the market was flooded. It has taken 2 months for him to find a job, but we are so happy that he is working again. It has been very hard the last 2 months. We've eaten through most of what was left of our savings and had to dip into some credit in order to keep everyone paid. Thankfully, we have a very well stocked and large pantry and food storage, so we've been able to not worry about where the next meal would come, and even have been able to eat "normally" with only a few items needed from the store here and there. Of course, now I need to restock! :)
He still won't be making his "big" wages from before his first lay off, but it is a good job, should be stable, and it is something he really thinks he is going to enjoy doing (because he will be able to pretend he's part of the Thunderbird team.. lol). He will be working mostly doing maintenance of equipment for an oil spill response team, though at the moment, most of his work will be in town, so he is looking forward to an improvement in the weather so he can ride his motorcycle to work.
Anyway, so that is where we are right now. We're still waiting, but doing what we can to move forward and try to make ourselves a better potential home.