New additions..

Well, I've been very lax about writing. things happen, we get busy, and there isn't much new to report or just never get around to it. Birthdays have come and gone, threats of seasonal lay-offs have come and (hopefully) gone. Thanksgiving was spent quietly as none of the kids were here and hubby was away for work. And now we are preparing for Christmas, when pretty much everyone will be here. Let the Christmas invasion begin!

And there have been some new additions to the family. My younger brother and his wife welcomed their 4th child, and first son into their home last month. yay, they finally got their boy. They named him after our father who passed away in 2003 and only ever got to meet my brother's oldest daughter and my step son.
And closer to home, we decided to do some fostering. We are fostering dogs. We got our first one in November. His name is Baxter, he's a mix of maybe 300 different terriers. He's a very sweet little boy, some minor separation anxiety but that has eased up a great deal already. He is a very people oriented boy though. And very much a terrier. Oh and only about a year old, so add "puppy" into that. lol
And today I brought home an approximately 4 yr old pom or pom mix. no one is quite sure. he looks full pom to me, but he's bigger then most, so he could be mixed with something that looks similar but is a bit bigger.. but my mom had one about this size that was full pom, so who really knows.. he's been here just over an hour now, and so far they are all getting along fairly well. Baxter is the main one following him around and likely the main one that might get into trouble with him since they both want attention and play time all the time, but, tomorrow I will theoretically have others in the house, and Monday for sure, for a few weeks so that will help. And even more hopefully, Baxter has started going to adoption clinics and he is sure to find a home fairly quickly, which is exactly what he needs.
Otherwise, things continue as normal. But right now, I need to go give a bath to a dog...

Gobo Update

My poor little boy didn't have as much time as any of us hoped he would. Sunday, July 31, 2011, Gobo passed away. He'd basically stopped eating Friday and wasn't drinking much on Saturday. He sat and stared at the wall for a bit and was very lethargic. I honestly didn't expect him to make it through the night, so was very happy when I got up Sunday morning and he was awake and alert. He followed me around most of the morning and early afternoon. I thought maybe he'd gotten a bit of energy from somewhere, but he still refused to eat or drink anything.
Then, shortly after 3 PM (I'd just texted with my husband to let him know Gobo was still hanging on...) his legs gave out on him. Based on how things had gone with Rocky 4 years ago, I thought we had a few more hours. I wrapped him up in a towel and his blanket so I could hold him for a while and he went limp on me but was still breathing; then he started coughing. I thought maybe he needed to stretch out more so I moved him onto the couch and he just kept coughing up blood for a minute or two; still had no control over his muscles, he was completely limp. He finally quieted down and then he just stopped breathing. He was gone. From the time his legs gave out to when he was gone, was about 15 minutes. 3:20 and he was gone.
He'd been my baby for 4 years and I've been completely devastated by his sudden loss. The girls were out camping with their sister and brother in law that weekend, and Hubby was still away at work far off up on the slope. I miss him and want him back. I had to put this post off until now because I just couldn't handle writing it. Honestly, I can barely handle it now. I still cry sometimes and keep calling the other dogs by his name. We've lost other dogs before, but his hit me hard.

July

July has been a crazy month, Ups and Downs. Things started off so well. My mom got the pretty much all clear after her surgery to remove the lump in her breast. She is in the middle of her radiation treatment and that is taking it's toll, but she is going well. B2's boyfriend came and went. We have decided we like him, he fits in with our brand of insanity.
But right now, things aren't so great. I've mentioned our dogs before and this deals with one of them. Gobo, my silly little momma's boy, my defacto baby. He had lost some weight (nearly 3 pounds, which is a lot for a 7 pound dog) and this past weekend he started acting sick. Yesterday I took him to the vet after it became clear this was more then just severe constipation and we spent 3 hours there while they ran some tests. Unfortunately, his test came back with an answer no one wanted. His kidneys have begun to shut down. He's 4 years old and was born with several visible birth defects and now it appears that there were some internal malfunctions as well as kidney failure this severe and sudden isn't normal for a dog his age.
He is currently home with us and we are doing what we can, but, given his test results, there is really nothing we can do except wait. We do what we can to help keep him hydrated and get him to eat what we can, but his body is slowly shutting down and he can't always keep food down. Right now he's not in any pain, just nauseous, so we are hoping he can hold on for at least another week and a half until my husband gets back from the slope, then we will decide where to go from there. He could have a few weeks, maybe even a few months. We've been through kidney failure with one of the dogs before, but this time.. he's my baby and this is killing me.

June

Well, I have good news. My mother's surgery went well and all of her check up tests have come back clear. It looks like they got it all. She will be starting radiation in about 2 weeks but all looks good and well. Yay!!
And my 2 youngest step daughters will be here soon! B2 gets in tomorrow and M gets in next Friday, almost the same time as her dad comes in for his 3 week stint at home. That will be a fun day. The delay between the arrival of the two girls seems odd, but apparently they were in different school districts and M had snow days to make up that B2 didn't have. Either way, it's going to be an interesting summer.

baby sitting

Last weekend and this one, we've had the joy of babysitting our 3 year old grand daughter. We really do enjoy having her here. She loves playing with the dogs or sitting in grandpa's chair with her blanket and watching movies (today she decided she wanted a Christmas movie, so we're watching Rudolph right now..) or coloring or, now that the weather is nice, riding her trike around the driveway. Today she got her first ride on grandpa's motorcycle (dirt bike in the yard) and a neighbor's 4 wheeler. She loved it and it looks like she's probably going to start wanting one of her own soon. lol. Though we're going to have to look and see if we can find a good helmet in her size before she goes on any other rides. And we are probably going to the pool later this evening, depending on what time grandpa gets home from his motorcycle ride.
I have had a few twinges of sadness though. She still has some trouble with remembering which names to use for which people. And sometimes, instead of calling us grandma or grandpa (which she uses interchangeably anyway.. ) she has been calling us mommy and daddy. I know she's just working out what words go with what and all, but, still, it just twists at my heart just a little when she does that, because I so dearly want my own little baby to call me mommy. It just makes me a bit sad. *sigh*
Meanwhile I'm stressed and sad and waiting for news about my own mom. They found a shadow in her breast and are doing surgery to remove a small tumor on Monday then they will start her on radiation in a few weeks. And trying to finish getting things all ready for the younger step daughters to come next week for the summer. We are hoping for lots of fun this year.

National Infertility Awareness Week

If you weren't aware, it is National Infertility Awareness Week. Hurray!
This week we have been challenged as bloggers dealing with infertility to post a bit about our struggles and the myths that surround infertility. The things everyone tells us that don't help and eventually grate on our nerves. (We know you mean well, but, please, telling us to relax or go on vacation or stop trying and then it will happen, really don't help one little bit...)
The myth I've chosen to write about is the old phrase, "Well, you can always just adopt, there are tons of babies out there just waiting." This is kind of a two parter.
Firstly, there aren't millions of babies out there in limbo just waiting to be adopted. If there were, the process would likely be a lot easier then it is. These days, especially, more and more unwed women tend to chose to parent their children. Society has accepted that as a viable option and it works for many of them. The kids who are waiting in the foster system tend to be older or have medical problems that make them hard to place. Many couples dealing with infertility do eventually take in these children, but it is a tough decision and takes time. Like every other couple, they have their dreams of the perfect little newborn, and that can be a very hard thing to give up on. And no child was ever unwanted. Adoption is a tough decision made by the birth mother because she loves her child and wants to give it the best possible chances in life.
Secondly, adoption is in no way easy, quick, or cheap. Depending on what options and agencies you work with, it can take months or years just to get through the paperwork and approval stage. Then there is the waiting. Once approved, you have 3 years in which to hope you are picked. After that, you have to start the paperwork over again for reapproval. And the fees.. thousands of dollars for paperwork and home studies and legal fees and adoption costs, and the finger printing, and medical visits.... it adds up to some pretty hefty sums, and that's just domestic! If you go international add in travel costs, sometimes for weeks or months in a different country, sometimes multiple visits. Then there is the invasive nature of the whole thing. There is no promise that just because you can fill out paperwork and have money that you will be approved. You are left feeling that you are at the mercy of total strangers who will come in and poke and prod at your life, your home, everything, then they get to decide if you are "good enough" to go on the waiting list to be parents.
It can be hard to do, to give up that level of control. You worry that maybe you're not good enough, your house isn't clean enough.. all on top of already feeling like a failure because your body doesn't work right in the first place or you wouldn't have this problem, and you've probably been poked and prodded medically in the diagnosis phase and maybe even tried ivf or something a time or two (again, very pricey treatments that insurance doesn't always cover..)

I'm pretty fortunate. We knew early on that we'd have fertility issues. Hubby'd had a vasectomy near the end of his first marriage, so that was going to cause problems anyway. So we knew going in that we'd either have to adopt or seek assistance. Then we found out about my problems. They weren't a total shock. I'd often suspected there was something going on. And the first few years were just full of all sorts of changes and adjustments anyway.. Married, moved 3000 miles, suddenly had 4 step kids, 2 of them teenagers. We didn't have much money, so I did a lot of reading. About step kids, and infertility and adoption. It helped prepare me for when we started the whole process in 2006. We'd just started on the paperwork with LDSFS, which was a difficult tango because they didn't have an office up here so we were working with them from out of state, when my husband suddenly felt that the timing wasn't right and called it off. I was very upset with him because he couldn't give me an answer as to why. This was early 2007. In August of that year I was in a car accident that took most of a year to recover from, so there was a reason.. then in 2008 we started talking about it again and had to postpone, yet again, because he was going to be deployed. Last year we decided that now was the time and started up again. We've just about got our paperwork ready to turn in (just need hubby's doctor visit and fingerprinting - and this year's tax info..) This time we decided to go with a local agency. There aren't many in the state, but we are going with Catholic Social Services in Anchorage. Hopefully we will be on our way to approval by the end of the year. That would be nice. That would be lovely. Then we just have to work on our profile and hope a birthmother out there likes us.
Meanwhile, I'd better go clean my house :)


If you'd like to know more about infertility or awareness week or RESOLVE (the organization behind this challenge) please check out these web sites: infertility 101 and take charge

Happy Infertility Awareness Month!

Ok, so I missed posting anywhere in March. So my goal of posting at least once a month has fallen.. I will state that I was sick for a good part of it, and coping with trying to catch up on things the rest of it and blogging just slipped thru the cracks. But, things are progressing. I went to see my doctor last month as well (not related to being sick, that was just the local yearly pre-spring gunk..) as I needed to get my prescriptions refilled and check up blood test run, etc and while there I got my medical clearance check done for the adoption paperwork, so that step is done. Yay!

Then Hubby and I went to Fairbanks. We wanted to just get away for a bit, but who can afford to go anywhere, so we went to Fairbanks. Not much to do there this time of year, but it was still fun. I've never been up there before, so now I can say that I have.
Other then that. It was a quiet month. Spring, or what passes for it here, is upon us, so the ground is getting muddy and the winds are blowing people's roofs off. Luckily ours seems to be secure.