2015 pt 1 (i hope...)

Ok, so it's been, like, forever, since I last posted anything... You know how it goes.. Lots of nothing, then things get all crazy busy, things don't work out, and things slow down again and you debate if you really want to bother rehashing it all or not, or if you even can because sometimes the wounds are just too raw..  There's been some of that.. there's also been a LOT of down, doing nothing time.. but I will cover what I can...

Late last winter, we made the decision to look into getting a private home study done. We didn't need one for foster care, and, in Alaska, if you wind up adopting from foster care, they do a child specific home study for you for free. But, we're 3 years in to our fostering, and time to get that license renewed, but we'd had no bites at all at adoption that way, so we decided we'd get this done, if nothing else, it would allow us to look at foster kids that might be up for adoption in other states. So we got started on that. We're still working on it as hubby's job has been extra crazy this spring/summer and he hasn't been home all that much to get all of his parts done.
Meanwhile, we continue to foster..  MK and R went back to their mother about the same time we decided to work on a home study. We'd had them for about 6 months. We are still in contact with them and are trying to be a support for them and their mom right now as they continue to work the program she is on. That has been hard on me in some ways, but good in others.
Then we got a little 16 month old boy for about a month. He was just adorable and a sweetie pie, but we only had him while family members were getting cleared to take him... then in May we got a call about 2 boys, a bit older then we usually take, one in first grade, the other in kindergarten. We were told that the boys had been in and out of care for 4 years now and they would soon be moving to terminate and that, if we took placement of them, odds were high we'd be able to adopt them. We were given a very brief overview of their background but were assured there were no major issues with either of them. I reminded them that they hadn't been wanting to place with us as we were getting ready to leave state in a few weeks (we had a family wedding to attend out of state) but they insisted that they would clear everything so the boys could go with us.  So we said yes. We were slightly nervous, but also hopeful. It wasn't quite the placement of our dreams, but, finally, here we had a chance. Things were hectic and crazy, and slowly began to fall apart. The boys had issues. More issues then we'd been told about.  More serious issues then we'd been told about. The trip was a disaster for us. They boys were very good at putting on a show for others, but when it was just us, it was just terrible.
It broke my heart, but we knew that, no matter what wonderful visions I'd had, no matter how much I was trying, this was just not going to work for us, and worse, was not going to work for them. We had the boys less then a month, and it had already started taking a toll on my health. So, we asked that the boys be moved. I have to hope that they found a place that was better suited for them. I never should have said yes to their placement with us, and if we'd been told the things we should have been about their issues, I never would have. But they had a brand new caseworker who didn't really know their file, and I allowed myself to be suckered in by the "if you don't take them, we might have to break up the siblings" plea... and they know we want to adopt.. *sigh*  It can be so hard to do this some times...
We took the whole month of June off from placements. We got several calls, but we turned them all down. I needed time. Emotional and physical. As  I mentioned, the whole thing took a toll on my health and I needed time to de-stress and recover..
We did accept another placement.. also one that was just supposed to be a few weeks while a family member got cleared.. though the family placement fell through, so who knows how long we will have her at the moment. A little girl, not quite 3. She is a little stinker, but cute as a button and, when she's not having massive screaming tantrums (*sigh*) she's just about the sweetest thing..
Meanwhile, we're hoping to get all of our initial home study paperwork done by the end of August, and, we've been in contact with an adoption facilitator/agency and they've agreed to work with us. They are based in California but work with families from all over. We have our first phone meeting next week. I'm very excited, and also very nervous and scared. It is starting to feel more real. Which is kind of scary. I still have all of those stupid fears and emotional baggage... What if we never find a birth mother, what if no one thinks I'm worthy to be a mom.. what if it just never happens...
But, I am trying to think positive, to be positive and to keep on swimming...
Meanwhile.. we're doing fund raising. Conventional adoption can, sadly, be very expensive, and, while we think we've figured out how to fund it, it would be very much easier if we had more money set aside for it. (We actually had a decent sized chunk set aside, and then, well, things happened.. some good - M got the chance to go to Japan with a school group for a few weeks, and we had the family wedding to go to, oh and we had some legal fees for finally getting M's custody changed so she is with us full time now - and some not so good - the water heater died on us this summer, as did a freezer and the washing machine is acting up- but, even so, we still have some set aside..) So if you can help at all, that would be great.. Passing word along is helpful too.. http://www.youcaring.com/tom-and-davina-stuart-399717#.VbaFuCn3hXs.facebook
Also, we will likely be  officially starting the birth mother hunt in the next few months, so passing word along about that would also be helpful. We should be getting a profile done in the next few months and I will post that when we do. We are open to all ethnic variations (we're all the same "race" after all - human) and genders and are willing to discuss levels of open-ness. And we are willing to travel, if need be, so we're not limited just to Alaska :)
That's our update.. Thanks all :) 

2014

Ugh.. ok.. probably the only post that's going to happen this year.. It has been.. hectic and emotional and all sorts of other things.. we had a placement this past spring that took a lot out of me. A little boy, T, who needed constant supervision. He had some anger control issues and, well there were issues between him and our dogs and a few other things. He was with us for about 4-5 months before we had to request he be moved elsewhere, after our littlest dog nearly died. It was a sad affair all around.
After he left, my youngest stepdaughter, M, came back up for the summer with the request of could she make this permanent this time. We, co course, had no problem with that, though there have been some issues with her mother. M was told (so we were told anyway) that it was up to her, however, when the time came for school to start, it was all a different story. M basically had to go to the airport and actually refuse to get on the plane. At this point it is wait and see until Alaska has jurisdiction again (a few more months..) and then we can request the actual change of custody.
I went back to work for the summer as well, as a little extra money when you have a teenager around is a good thing.. lol..
And then we got another placement. 2 children, MK, who just turned 7 earlier this month, and her 4 yr old brother, R. We've had them almost 2 months now. This is the first time we've had school aged children and it's a new experience.
I have learned one thing for certain. I can not "do it all." Working and trying to run the house and do things with the kids.. I just can't do it all, so we've made the decision for me to quit my job and come back home full time. So I will be doing that next month. (I _could_ have left earlier, gave notice 2 weeks ago, but one of the other employees had a vacation planned and that would leave them very short staffed, so felt it was only fair for me to stay til they came back) Just in time for Thanksgiving..
This will also be our first year with fosters in the house for the "big" holidays, so that will be interesting.
Still waiting and hoping for an adoptable placement, so please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
We are also giving consideration again to trying to find an agency thru which we can adopt an infant, just have to find one we can afford and find the money for that. If only adoption were really as "easy, quick and cheap" as it appears on tv and in movies.. *sigh*

Changes

Well, September has been a hard month for me. I turned 40 and a lot of things have weighed on my mind and my heart. By this point, I have figured a lot of things would be different then they wound up being and I've had a hard time processing some of my emotions this month.
We talked with our licensing case worker and made some changes. We're kind of playing guinea pig for a new "profile flagging" option in their computer system. We are supposed to be flagged right now as pre-adoptive placements only. We decided we needed to focus on that aspect at the moment, since that is our goal. We have gotten at least one call a week this month from case workers looking for short term placements. So there are some issues either with the flagging system, or with case workers not paying attention.. I have hated to tell them no, but, at the same time, it is what is needed right now. However, this whole process has given me the chance to talk to quite a few of the caseworkers, so at least they are getting to know me and do ask what we are looking for, so perhaps something will come of all of this.
Meanwhile, we wait, and every time the phone rings, I wonder if this is it or not again...

And off they go....

Well, that was short. M and M's grandparents came back from their vacation with the older brother and requested custody of the 2 younger children as well. It will be a good thing for the children. The baby was doing really well, but the little girl was really sad all the time. She was just starting to settle in a bit here, but she will really do better with her grandparents, it will be easier for her psychologically.

We will miss them, but the priority is what is best for them. From what we hear, the grandparents are going to be seeking permanent custody because of the situation, and this was apparently not the first time the kids have been taken, so I hope they can provide a more stable environment for them.

So, I'm cleaning everything and getting things ready for the next round. We have asked to be moved to pre-adoptive placements only, so not sure how long it will be before we have another placement. M&M's caseworker sounded optimistic when I spoke with her when dropping off the kids. She asked what sort of placements we were looking for and I was honest with her. She mentioned there might be a few coming up soon, so we will see.

I am trying to stay positive and hopeful and as ready as I can be for whatever comes next.

August

Well, August is here. It's re certification month for us. We had our home check evaluation done last Tuseday (the 13th..) All went well for that, though I am thinking about making some changes in what we are looking for/doing. More on that if/when I figure anything out. Our licensing worker did ask if it would be ok for her to put us on a list for a prospective adoption placement for a sibling group. Oldest is a wee bit above what we "wanted" but within what we are licensed for. So we will have to see if anything comes of that..

Anyway, the following day, I got a phone call. Shortly after 5 pm, the phone rang and they wanted to know if we could take in an emergency placement. They were getting ready to take custody of 2 little kids and needed a place for them to come. "Could be one night, could be several," sort of thing. (which always means it could be several months or something as well....) 7 month old little boy, whom we shall call Mike, and a barely 3 year old little girl, whom we'll call Molly. Obviously, those aren't their names, but it will work, and combined, I can call them M&M.. which is just cute.. :)

No idea what the situation is or what happened, but they seem like great little kids. Molly, obviously, is sad about being here and just wants to go home. They had their first visit with mom on Friday and, oye, the ride back home afterwards was traumatic. Mom and dad call in the evenings before bed time to talk to Molly, though being a typical 2/3 year old, she doesn't really know how phone conversations work.. :)
Mike is a typical 7 month old. Bright, attentive, in to everything. Overall happy little baby. We will see how things go and how long they are here. We've been told that grand parents are likely going to step in, so, at present, we don't foresee them being here long term, but, you never know. Monday we have another parent visit, and a pre-existing doctor's appointment that mom is going to tag along for. Things could get interesting there.

They are keeping me busy though.. soon as one goes down for a nap, the other wakes up..
Will update when I get the chance.

Renewal.

Next week we are having our annual home inspection for our license renewal. I had hoped to have a serious placement by now. We don't. We haven't had an actual placement since December. At the training I went to in June, I was informed that the majority of placements they've had this year have been teenagers. We're licensed for ages 7 and under, so they haven't had any calls for us.
This has been a very hard year for me emotionally, and not having any movement at all in this has been depressing. I did have one short bright spot a few weeks ago. We got a call asking if we could do respite for a family in Anchorage. They have 5 older children and had twin 3 year old boys in foster care. Mom had just been in the hospital and needed a bit of a break and they had heard from members of our church that we had a foster license and didn't currently have a placement. There were some other things going on as well, but we had the boys with us for 4 days.
They were four exhausting, wonderful days where I was tired, but oh, so very happy. We bonded very quickly with the boys and I still miss them terribly. It's kind of cruel and funny that we left Anchorage so we could provide a better home, yet, if we were still in town, we'd have better luck at getting an adoptable placement.
Anyway, so I am busy prepping for our home inspection. I'm not worried about it. I know we have a good home environment, and I'm pas the point of panic for the licensing inspection. I'm also trying to deal with a sudden abundance of produce that we've gotten and am busy trying to do a lot of canning, freezing, and may even fire up the dehydrator.
And, because there must always be some minor disaster, our washing machine has broken. We took the whole thing apart last weekend to figure out what was wrong. It had had some drainage problems and was making horrid clunking noises. We did find the problem, and it is fixable, but we did have to pull it out into the middle of the basement floor and take it completely to pieces. The part has been ordered and we await delivery, but odds are it will not arrive before inspection, and we don't want to put it back together just to take it apart again.. and no one is in the basement at present, so, we shall just hope for the best on that score.. We also have a few bits of furniture down there still that need to go to Fairbanks for B2 who is now up there for college. A few things did not fit in or on her car, so they are awaiting another trip.
Things are crazy, as always. While we are waiting for the washing machine part, I have been visiting laundromats, which about shocked me to death at the rates these days.. I mean, sure, it's been 12 years since I've needed to go to on, but, yikes! $3.50 a load just o wash?? So after our initial "catch up" loads, I've been doing most things by hand at home. Thankfully our dryer still works, though, as warm as it's been, I'd just make Hubby put up the outside clothes line we have tucked away in the basement and pick up some clothes pins :)
Life is always a challenge. I just have to keep hoping that the placement I want and need will find it's way to me soon. Meanwhile, sounds like I"m about to come into raspberries :)

Pathways to Adoption

So last month I went to a training session for foster parents who are interested in adoption. While I was there I learned about a new program they are starting up where those of us wanting to adopt write up brief family profiles that will get sent to all the caseworkers in the state so when a child become adoptable, they will have a "short list" of available families.
Today, I got our profile finished and submitted. Yay!! So now we go back to waiting.. but, we're a step closer.