Well, after having my blogs all be pretty dead for a while.. things are picking back up and we might have a solid little busy spurt again...
This week we submitted our home study application. Just waiting on the FBI print background check, which we know will come back clear.. but other then that, I think our home study writer has everything she needs. We will be scheduling our home visits and interviews with her for after Labor day as T is out of town until the 10th anyway for work. She has another case she is finalizing and some court dates coming up for that so she wasn't really going to be free before then, so it worked out for both sides.
So now it's a bunch of hurry up and wait.. and wait.. and wait...
Also submitted our contract with the adoption consultant agency.. They won't match us with a Birth Mother, but they provide kind of a "college class" on how to find your Birth Mother, how to write up your profile, how to spot and avoid scams, etc.. so soon we will be starting that process, too... though, until we get the Home Study finalized, I can't actually start posting our profile anywhere or doing any actual "active" looking...
It's all very exciting, very nerve wracking, and, for me, very panic inducing.. which, for me, leads to questioning myself and, as hubby puts it, self sabotage.. But I'm trying to work on that, and to stay focused on the positives..
Meanwhile, we still have our little foster child.. she's going to be starting up with head start soon, and hopefully they can get her some of the therapies she needs. Her mom should be finding out what the "case plan" is this week, so we can better judge how long she might be staying with us, though I know she's been working very hard already to get the things done the judge told her she needed to be working on previously, so I suspect it won't be all that much longer. A few months more at most.
We would still love to adopt from foster care, but I can't put all my hopes in that one area anymore. We've decided to give this all another 2 years. If we don't have something in the works by then.. well, then I will just have to move on and try to accept that I won't be mommy in this life. It will be hard, it will be sad, and I will be a mess for a while, I'm sure.. But, if that time comes, it will be faced..
Meanwhile, I'm hoping for the best, planning for the day we get our baby, and just waiting for the next step in this process. And cleaning.. and trying to come up with fund raising ideas.. and looking for good photos for our profiles.. and...........
Please keep us in your prayers, and if you hear of anyone considering placing a child for adoption, please keep us in mind.. I'll soon be getting a dedicated email address set up, and eventually a phone line. And please, if you could forward our fund raising page along.. you never know :)
http://igg.me/at/dg6BFdr06TU
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Saturday, August 8, 2015
We have a contract..
Just wanted to post a quick update..
The facilitating agency we have been talking to sent us the contract this week. It arrived Friday for us to look over and think about. We have another phone conference on Thursday for questions and everything and then it will be time to decide if we're going to sign and send it in... I'm in a bit of a panic.. part of me wants to wait until we have the home study finished. That is getting close, we just need to finish up bios, get signed forms to OCS (which has just been waiting to have everyone actually home for as they have to have witnessed signatures..) and getting one or two more bits of info for the financial section (mostly all the investment stuff that is scattered between companies.. we really need to get that consolidated..), then waiting.. Have I mentioned I hate waiting? There shouldn't be any problems with that, but, I'm a worrier.. and I just, well, worry...
And I worry about the money as well. I know I just need to let go of all this worry. Place it all in the hands of Heavenly Father, but that is such a hard thing to do right now.. But I am trying..
Please pray for us. If you can, please donate, or spread the word for us. Once the home study is complete we will begin the search for our Birth Mother, and that is just going to really drive my nerves crazy :)
The facilitating agency we have been talking to sent us the contract this week. It arrived Friday for us to look over and think about. We have another phone conference on Thursday for questions and everything and then it will be time to decide if we're going to sign and send it in... I'm in a bit of a panic.. part of me wants to wait until we have the home study finished. That is getting close, we just need to finish up bios, get signed forms to OCS (which has just been waiting to have everyone actually home for as they have to have witnessed signatures..) and getting one or two more bits of info for the financial section (mostly all the investment stuff that is scattered between companies.. we really need to get that consolidated..), then waiting.. Have I mentioned I hate waiting? There shouldn't be any problems with that, but, I'm a worrier.. and I just, well, worry...
And I worry about the money as well. I know I just need to let go of all this worry. Place it all in the hands of Heavenly Father, but that is such a hard thing to do right now.. But I am trying..
Please pray for us. If you can, please donate, or spread the word for us. Once the home study is complete we will begin the search for our Birth Mother, and that is just going to really drive my nerves crazy :)
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
First meeting..
Well, we had our first phone meeting with the folks at Lifetime
Adoptions. It's all very exciting and nerve wracking.. They are mailing
us the contract to look over and we will have another meeting next week.
Right now we're kind of debating between them and the one Agency
actually in Alaska... Pros and Cons for both, of course... Lifetime
helps us get things rolling so we can find our birth mother on our own,
from all over the country, help us get our profiles set up, etc.. the
other Agency is more of the "full service" sort and finds the
birth mother for us in state, but we wouldn't really be able to do much
with them until we could take their class in January.. so it's all do
something now, or wait until next year.. and well.. I really don't want
to wait and put things off any more... I just really want everything to
go smoothly and quickly :)
Thursday, July 30, 2015
2015 pt 1 (i hope...)
Ok, so it's been, like, forever, since I last posted anything... You know how it goes.. Lots of nothing, then things get all crazy busy, things don't work out, and things slow down again and you debate if you really want to bother rehashing it all or not, or if you even can because sometimes the wounds are just too raw.. There's been some of that.. there's also been a LOT of down, doing nothing time.. but I will cover what I can...
Late last winter, we made the decision to look into getting a private home study done. We didn't need one for foster care, and, in Alaska, if you wind up adopting from foster care, they do a child specific home study for you for free. But, we're 3 years in to our fostering, and time to get that license renewed, but we'd had no bites at all at adoption that way, so we decided we'd get this done, if nothing else, it would allow us to look at foster kids that might be up for adoption in other states. So we got started on that. We're still working on it as hubby's job has been extra crazy this spring/summer and he hasn't been home all that much to get all of his parts done.
Meanwhile, we continue to foster.. MK and R went back to their mother about the same time we decided to work on a home study. We'd had them for about 6 months. We are still in contact with them and are trying to be a support for them and their mom right now as they continue to work the program she is on. That has been hard on me in some ways, but good in others.
Then we got a little 16 month old boy for about a month. He was just adorable and a sweetie pie, but we only had him while family members were getting cleared to take him... then in May we got a call about 2 boys, a bit older then we usually take, one in first grade, the other in kindergarten. We were told that the boys had been in and out of care for 4 years now and they would soon be moving to terminate and that, if we took placement of them, odds were high we'd be able to adopt them. We were given a very brief overview of their background but were assured there were no major issues with either of them. I reminded them that they hadn't been wanting to place with us as we were getting ready to leave state in a few weeks (we had a family wedding to attend out of state) but they insisted that they would clear everything so the boys could go with us. So we said yes. We were slightly nervous, but also hopeful. It wasn't quite the placement of our dreams, but, finally, here we had a chance. Things were hectic and crazy, and slowly began to fall apart. The boys had issues. More issues then we'd been told about. More serious issues then we'd been told about. The trip was a disaster for us. They boys were very good at putting on a show for others, but when it was just us, it was just terrible.
It broke my heart, but we knew that, no matter what wonderful visions I'd had, no matter how much I was trying, this was just not going to work for us, and worse, was not going to work for them. We had the boys less then a month, and it had already started taking a toll on my health. So, we asked that the boys be moved. I have to hope that they found a place that was better suited for them. I never should have said yes to their placement with us, and if we'd been told the things we should have been about their issues, I never would have. But they had a brand new caseworker who didn't really know their file, and I allowed myself to be suckered in by the "if you don't take them, we might have to break up the siblings" plea... and they know we want to adopt.. *sigh* It can be so hard to do this some times...
We took the whole month of June off from placements. We got several calls, but we turned them all down. I needed time. Emotional and physical. As I mentioned, the whole thing took a toll on my health and I needed time to de-stress and recover..
We did accept another placement.. also one that was just supposed to be a few weeks while a family member got cleared.. though the family placement fell through, so who knows how long we will have her at the moment. A little girl, not quite 3. She is a little stinker, but cute as a button and, when she's not having massive screaming tantrums (*sigh*) she's just about the sweetest thing..
Meanwhile, we're hoping to get all of our initial home study paperwork done by the end of August, and, we've been in contact with an adoption facilitator/agency and they've agreed to work with us. They are based in California but work with families from all over. We have our first phone meeting next week. I'm very excited, and also very nervous and scared. It is starting to feel more real. Which is kind of scary. I still have all of those stupid fears and emotional baggage... What if we never find a birth mother, what if no one thinks I'm worthy to be a mom.. what if it just never happens...
But, I am trying to think positive, to be positive and to keep on swimming...
Meanwhile.. we're doing fund raising. Conventional adoption can, sadly, be very expensive, and, while we think we've figured out how to fund it, it would be very much easier if we had more money set aside for it. (We actually had a decent sized chunk set aside, and then, well, things happened.. some good - M got the chance to go to Japan with a school group for a few weeks, and we had the family wedding to go to, oh and we had some legal fees for finally getting M's custody changed so she is with us full time now - and some not so good - the water heater died on us this summer, as did a freezer and the washing machine is acting up- but, even so, we still have some set aside..) So if you can help at all, that would be great.. Passing word along is helpful too.. http://www.youcaring.com/tom-and-davina-stuart-399717#.VbaFuCn3hXs.facebook
Also, we will likely be officially starting the birth mother hunt in the next few months, so passing word along about that would also be helpful. We should be getting a profile done in the next few months and I will post that when we do. We are open to all ethnic variations (we're all the same "race" after all - human) and genders and are willing to discuss levels of open-ness. And we are willing to travel, if need be, so we're not limited just to Alaska :)
That's our update.. Thanks all :)
Late last winter, we made the decision to look into getting a private home study done. We didn't need one for foster care, and, in Alaska, if you wind up adopting from foster care, they do a child specific home study for you for free. But, we're 3 years in to our fostering, and time to get that license renewed, but we'd had no bites at all at adoption that way, so we decided we'd get this done, if nothing else, it would allow us to look at foster kids that might be up for adoption in other states. So we got started on that. We're still working on it as hubby's job has been extra crazy this spring/summer and he hasn't been home all that much to get all of his parts done.
Meanwhile, we continue to foster.. MK and R went back to their mother about the same time we decided to work on a home study. We'd had them for about 6 months. We are still in contact with them and are trying to be a support for them and their mom right now as they continue to work the program she is on. That has been hard on me in some ways, but good in others.
Then we got a little 16 month old boy for about a month. He was just adorable and a sweetie pie, but we only had him while family members were getting cleared to take him... then in May we got a call about 2 boys, a bit older then we usually take, one in first grade, the other in kindergarten. We were told that the boys had been in and out of care for 4 years now and they would soon be moving to terminate and that, if we took placement of them, odds were high we'd be able to adopt them. We were given a very brief overview of their background but were assured there were no major issues with either of them. I reminded them that they hadn't been wanting to place with us as we were getting ready to leave state in a few weeks (we had a family wedding to attend out of state) but they insisted that they would clear everything so the boys could go with us. So we said yes. We were slightly nervous, but also hopeful. It wasn't quite the placement of our dreams, but, finally, here we had a chance. Things were hectic and crazy, and slowly began to fall apart. The boys had issues. More issues then we'd been told about. More serious issues then we'd been told about. The trip was a disaster for us. They boys were very good at putting on a show for others, but when it was just us, it was just terrible.
It broke my heart, but we knew that, no matter what wonderful visions I'd had, no matter how much I was trying, this was just not going to work for us, and worse, was not going to work for them. We had the boys less then a month, and it had already started taking a toll on my health. So, we asked that the boys be moved. I have to hope that they found a place that was better suited for them. I never should have said yes to their placement with us, and if we'd been told the things we should have been about their issues, I never would have. But they had a brand new caseworker who didn't really know their file, and I allowed myself to be suckered in by the "if you don't take them, we might have to break up the siblings" plea... and they know we want to adopt.. *sigh* It can be so hard to do this some times...
We took the whole month of June off from placements. We got several calls, but we turned them all down. I needed time. Emotional and physical. As I mentioned, the whole thing took a toll on my health and I needed time to de-stress and recover..
We did accept another placement.. also one that was just supposed to be a few weeks while a family member got cleared.. though the family placement fell through, so who knows how long we will have her at the moment. A little girl, not quite 3. She is a little stinker, but cute as a button and, when she's not having massive screaming tantrums (*sigh*) she's just about the sweetest thing..
Meanwhile, we're hoping to get all of our initial home study paperwork done by the end of August, and, we've been in contact with an adoption facilitator/agency and they've agreed to work with us. They are based in California but work with families from all over. We have our first phone meeting next week. I'm very excited, and also very nervous and scared. It is starting to feel more real. Which is kind of scary. I still have all of those stupid fears and emotional baggage... What if we never find a birth mother, what if no one thinks I'm worthy to be a mom.. what if it just never happens...
But, I am trying to think positive, to be positive and to keep on swimming...
Meanwhile.. we're doing fund raising. Conventional adoption can, sadly, be very expensive, and, while we think we've figured out how to fund it, it would be very much easier if we had more money set aside for it. (We actually had a decent sized chunk set aside, and then, well, things happened.. some good - M got the chance to go to Japan with a school group for a few weeks, and we had the family wedding to go to, oh and we had some legal fees for finally getting M's custody changed so she is with us full time now - and some not so good - the water heater died on us this summer, as did a freezer and the washing machine is acting up- but, even so, we still have some set aside..) So if you can help at all, that would be great.. Passing word along is helpful too.. http://www.youcaring.com/tom-and-davina-stuart-399717#.VbaFuCn3hXs.facebook
Also, we will likely be officially starting the birth mother hunt in the next few months, so passing word along about that would also be helpful. We should be getting a profile done in the next few months and I will post that when we do. We are open to all ethnic variations (we're all the same "race" after all - human) and genders and are willing to discuss levels of open-ness. And we are willing to travel, if need be, so we're not limited just to Alaska :)
That's our update.. Thanks all :)
Saturday, October 25, 2014
2014
Ugh.. ok.. probably the only post that's going to happen this year.. It has been.. hectic and emotional and all sorts of other things.. we had a placement this past spring that took a lot out of me. A little boy, T, who needed constant supervision. He had some anger control issues and, well there were issues between him and our dogs and a few other things. He was with us for about 4-5 months before we had to request he be moved elsewhere, after our littlest dog nearly died. It was a sad affair all around.
After he left, my youngest stepdaughter, M, came back up for the summer with the request of could she make this permanent this time. We, co course, had no problem with that, though there have been some issues with her mother. M was told (so we were told anyway) that it was up to her, however, when the time came for school to start, it was all a different story. M basically had to go to the airport and actually refuse to get on the plane. At this point it is wait and see until Alaska has jurisdiction again (a few more months..) and then we can request the actual change of custody.
I went back to work for the summer as well, as a little extra money when you have a teenager around is a good thing.. lol..
And then we got another placement. 2 children, MK, who just turned 7 earlier this month, and her 4 yr old brother, R. We've had them almost 2 months now. This is the first time we've had school aged children and it's a new experience.
I have learned one thing for certain. I can not "do it all." Working and trying to run the house and do things with the kids.. I just can't do it all, so we've made the decision for me to quit my job and come back home full time. So I will be doing that next month. (I _could_ have left earlier, gave notice 2 weeks ago, but one of the other employees had a vacation planned and that would leave them very short staffed, so felt it was only fair for me to stay til they came back) Just in time for Thanksgiving..
This will also be our first year with fosters in the house for the "big" holidays, so that will be interesting.
Still waiting and hoping for an adoptable placement, so please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
We are also giving consideration again to trying to find an agency thru which we can adopt an infant, just have to find one we can afford and find the money for that. If only adoption were really as "easy, quick and cheap" as it appears on tv and in movies.. *sigh*
After he left, my youngest stepdaughter, M, came back up for the summer with the request of could she make this permanent this time. We, co course, had no problem with that, though there have been some issues with her mother. M was told (so we were told anyway) that it was up to her, however, when the time came for school to start, it was all a different story. M basically had to go to the airport and actually refuse to get on the plane. At this point it is wait and see until Alaska has jurisdiction again (a few more months..) and then we can request the actual change of custody.
I went back to work for the summer as well, as a little extra money when you have a teenager around is a good thing.. lol..
And then we got another placement. 2 children, MK, who just turned 7 earlier this month, and her 4 yr old brother, R. We've had them almost 2 months now. This is the first time we've had school aged children and it's a new experience.
I have learned one thing for certain. I can not "do it all." Working and trying to run the house and do things with the kids.. I just can't do it all, so we've made the decision for me to quit my job and come back home full time. So I will be doing that next month. (I _could_ have left earlier, gave notice 2 weeks ago, but one of the other employees had a vacation planned and that would leave them very short staffed, so felt it was only fair for me to stay til they came back) Just in time for Thanksgiving..
This will also be our first year with fosters in the house for the "big" holidays, so that will be interesting.
Still waiting and hoping for an adoptable placement, so please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
We are also giving consideration again to trying to find an agency thru which we can adopt an infant, just have to find one we can afford and find the money for that. If only adoption were really as "easy, quick and cheap" as it appears on tv and in movies.. *sigh*
Friday, September 27, 2013
Changes
Well, September has been a hard month for me. I turned 40 and a lot of things have weighed on my mind and my heart. By this point, I have figured a lot of things would be different then they wound up being and I've had a hard time processing some of my emotions this month.
We talked with our licensing case worker and made some changes. We're kind of playing guinea pig for a new "profile flagging" option in their computer system. We are supposed to be flagged right now as pre-adoptive placements only. We decided we needed to focus on that aspect at the moment, since that is our goal. We have gotten at least one call a week this month from case workers looking for short term placements. So there are some issues either with the flagging system, or with case workers not paying attention.. I have hated to tell them no, but, at the same time, it is what is needed right now. However, this whole process has given me the chance to talk to quite a few of the caseworkers, so at least they are getting to know me and do ask what we are looking for, so perhaps something will come of all of this.
Meanwhile, we wait, and every time the phone rings, I wonder if this is it or not again...
We talked with our licensing case worker and made some changes. We're kind of playing guinea pig for a new "profile flagging" option in their computer system. We are supposed to be flagged right now as pre-adoptive placements only. We decided we needed to focus on that aspect at the moment, since that is our goal. We have gotten at least one call a week this month from case workers looking for short term placements. So there are some issues either with the flagging system, or with case workers not paying attention.. I have hated to tell them no, but, at the same time, it is what is needed right now. However, this whole process has given me the chance to talk to quite a few of the caseworkers, so at least they are getting to know me and do ask what we are looking for, so perhaps something will come of all of this.
Meanwhile, we wait, and every time the phone rings, I wonder if this is it or not again...
Thursday, August 29, 2013
And off they go....
Well, that was short. M and M's grandparents came back from their vacation with the older brother and requested custody of the 2 younger children as well. It will be a good thing for the children. The baby was doing really well, but the little girl was really sad all the time. She was just starting to settle in a bit here, but she will really do better with her grandparents, it will be easier for her psychologically.
We will miss them, but the priority is what is best for them. From what we hear, the grandparents are going to be seeking permanent custody because of the situation, and this was apparently not the first time the kids have been taken, so I hope they can provide a more stable environment for them.
So, I'm cleaning everything and getting things ready for the next round. We have asked to be moved to pre-adoptive placements only, so not sure how long it will be before we have another placement. M&M's caseworker sounded optimistic when I spoke with her when dropping off the kids. She asked what sort of placements we were looking for and I was honest with her. She mentioned there might be a few coming up soon, so we will see.
I am trying to stay positive and hopeful and as ready as I can be for whatever comes next.
We will miss them, but the priority is what is best for them. From what we hear, the grandparents are going to be seeking permanent custody because of the situation, and this was apparently not the first time the kids have been taken, so I hope they can provide a more stable environment for them.
So, I'm cleaning everything and getting things ready for the next round. We have asked to be moved to pre-adoptive placements only, so not sure how long it will be before we have another placement. M&M's caseworker sounded optimistic when I spoke with her when dropping off the kids. She asked what sort of placements we were looking for and I was honest with her. She mentioned there might be a few coming up soon, so we will see.
I am trying to stay positive and hopeful and as ready as I can be for whatever comes next.
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