thoughts...

Today has been a sad day. I was reading some other blogs this morning and it got me to thinking about how much I'm missing because I don't have children. It has gotten me very sad today and really I just want to sit down and have a good cry. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those women who can have a good cry.. instead, I blubber and get all snotty and congested and can't breath, and often as not, wind up throwing up. Sorry for telling you that, but, well, there it is. So it's hard to even have a good cry and "get over it," as they say...
My husband gets back from work today and will be home for the next 3 weeks. Am happy for him to be coming home. Next week my step daughters will be arriving for the summer as well. They will keep us busy for the summer and we're planning and hoping on having lots of fun with them this summer. My oldest step daughter is off today meeting with mortgage lenders. They think they've found a house they like and are hoping to get the ball rolling on purchasing as soon as possible. While we will miss having them in the house, if they get the one they are looking at, they will only be about 9 miles away, so we can live with that. :)
I long to be able to have a child or two running around this home on a daily basis. I find all sorts of educational things that I want to get for my kids, so they can learn about this great big wonderful universe and all the tiny little things in it, all the while knowing that who knows if I will ever have those children. It makes me sad and I want to cry.
But hubby will be home, and hopefully while he is home this time we can meet with the adoption agency and get all that paperwork started, and maybe, one day, hopefully soon, I will be able to bring home one of my missing children...