Figured I should update now that things are actually official...
After our last placements left in 2016, we took some time for our hearts to heal.. and then we just didn't get calls about placements (ok, we did get a call occasionally, but it seemed it was always while we were out of state, either on our way to or heading home from a family funeral.. so, we weren't in a position to say yes anyway as we were always at least 2 days out..) then, a year ago, shortly before it was time for us to consider renewing our license, my mother had some medical issues. She has MS and had severely limited mobility to start with. The MS had claimed her left foot and she couldn't support any weight on it.. and she'd fallen and broken her right foot in the past... well, last February (2019) she fell and broke that ankle again... while in the hospital for that, it was discovered that her formerly benign breast cancer had returned, this time it was super aggressive and was already fairly advanced.. Mom was also having issues with low oxygen levels and between that, the chemo and the stress of it all, there were a few times where she lapsed into a coma for a few days and we spent the whole year not sure if she was going to make it... So, we knew there was going to be a high chance I might need to travel out of state again at a moment's notice, so we decided to close our foster license. We had thought, at the time, that we might consider reapplying once things settled down, but, they never really did.. it was one thing after another with mom last year, and my sister, who had mom's medical power of attorney, just went out of her way to make things more difficult for everyone right until the end..
Mom was able to go home, finally, in December. She'd spent almost the entire year either in hospital or at a rehab facility. She had 3 surgeries on her ankle, but was never able to have it heal enough she could put weight on it, even with plates in there now. (She'd had pins in from the first break..) Her cancer proved itself resistant to any and all attempts at the chemo treatments, though most of them were interrupted by the comas... she just had really bad reactions to the chemo.. But she did get to where she could be sent home. On hospice care. Her doctors said they expected her to have a year, maybe two.. However, mom didn't survive the month and passed on December 30, 2019.
My sister continued to "be a pill" as they use to say.. and was absent from mom's funeral. She was extremely peeved that she was not also the executor of mom's estate. She had been living with mom (My brother and his family lived right across the street.. I'm 3000 miles away...) and actually managed to utterly trash the basement floor of the house (where she'd been living).. massively disgusting.. and I honestly think that if the home health people had gone down into the lower level of the home, mom would not have been allowed back home.. she'd have had to go over to my brother's.. she had not cleaned up after her pets for YEARS.. she had 2 iguanas at one point in time... they both died _YEARS_ ago... one of them was still in the giant iguana cage she had down there.. it was bad... and I only saw pictures of what was left after she moved out. This house was basically the only inheritance we were getting.. She also took all of mom's liquid assets, since she had access to mom's accounts.. anyway.. it's all been an extremely stressful year and it's still going...
This has all taken a toll on my health as well (and the fires that ravaged the entire state of Alaska all last summer didn't help any..) and we've come to realize that a few of my health issues are now deteriorating faster then we'd hoped (though I still can't get some of my doctors to take things entirely seriously.. we had to switch last year because of insurance, so I'm now starting all over...) so, we've made the decision that fostering is no longer really an option for us. So we will be staying closed. I've started giving away furniture and clothes and supplies.. once I get all of those things parted out (mostly to other foster parents) I will be dropping out of all the foster parent groups I've been in. This is still really hard for me, emotionally, but, it is really the only option right now. Some days I can barely walk, carrying a young child would be right out, and if we had older kids/teens, I fear they'd feel like we were only doing it so we'd have a caretaker for me... (I'm not to that point, though there are days where I am just not up to doing much...)
So we're back to only fostering dogs. The loss of a parent and the loss of a dream, all in one year.
Not sure what I will be doing with this blog.. I mean, not that I really did much with it anyway...
Friday, March 6, 2020
Tuesday, August 8, 2017
time warp
Ok.. well.. I hadn't realized it had been quite so long... but then.. life gets weird..
a LOT has changed in the past year and a half.. other then even more computer issues which played havoc with my bookmarks and part of why i simply forgot about the blog... oops..
All of our foster kiddos have left our house.. MK and R left at the end of September 2016 and went to another foster placement. Sadly, there were some on going issues and concerns that had developed in the time they had been back with their mom between their placements with us that we were not in a position to properly cope with and they had to be moved for safety concerns.. we tried very hard and likely longer then we should have, but we were just no longer the place they needed to be. Then E left us last November to go back to her mom's care. They seem to be doing well. We kept in touch and helped out once in a while for the first 6 months or so. It has been very hard having them all leave. I'm heart broken and missing them, but that is the nature of foster care..
We renewed our foster license again. Though this may well be the last time unless we get lucky with a placement. We've asked to be pre-adoptive only, so we may just linger and wait.. so there may not be a whole lot of activity at all here..
This summer saw B2 move back home for a month after breaking up with her fiancee.. She moved in with Boober (family nickname for her 1.5 yr old daughter..) and her big ole doofus of a dog at the start of July and then moved back out at the end of July and took her younger sister, M, with her.. M will be 19 in a month and we are really hoping that this move will help her get involved in her life.. lol.. she's been dragged along to help provide child care, but will also mean that she will need to find employment and socialize at least a wee bit. We're hoping it will be good for her..
So I'm doing a lot of cleaning out around the house, we're doing some minor remodels and repairs that always need doing. We're repainting the house, finally... T has spent 12 years saying he was going to repaint it because he hated living in a pink house... but things always happened and it just didn't get done... this year.. it's getting done.. we've actually got the front and 2 short sides of the house done, just have the back side to finish off.. when he's home and it's not raining... we've had a fair bit of rain this summer, so it's rather impressive that we've got that much done.. also replaced the septic system this year.. always fun, that... lol...
a LOT has changed in the past year and a half.. other then even more computer issues which played havoc with my bookmarks and part of why i simply forgot about the blog... oops..
All of our foster kiddos have left our house.. MK and R left at the end of September 2016 and went to another foster placement. Sadly, there were some on going issues and concerns that had developed in the time they had been back with their mom between their placements with us that we were not in a position to properly cope with and they had to be moved for safety concerns.. we tried very hard and likely longer then we should have, but we were just no longer the place they needed to be. Then E left us last November to go back to her mom's care. They seem to be doing well. We kept in touch and helped out once in a while for the first 6 months or so. It has been very hard having them all leave. I'm heart broken and missing them, but that is the nature of foster care..
We renewed our foster license again. Though this may well be the last time unless we get lucky with a placement. We've asked to be pre-adoptive only, so we may just linger and wait.. so there may not be a whole lot of activity at all here..
This summer saw B2 move back home for a month after breaking up with her fiancee.. She moved in with Boober (family nickname for her 1.5 yr old daughter..) and her big ole doofus of a dog at the start of July and then moved back out at the end of July and took her younger sister, M, with her.. M will be 19 in a month and we are really hoping that this move will help her get involved in her life.. lol.. she's been dragged along to help provide child care, but will also mean that she will need to find employment and socialize at least a wee bit. We're hoping it will be good for her..
So I'm doing a lot of cleaning out around the house, we're doing some minor remodels and repairs that always need doing. We're repainting the house, finally... T has spent 12 years saying he was going to repaint it because he hated living in a pink house... but things always happened and it just didn't get done... this year.. it's getting done.. we've actually got the front and 2 short sides of the house done, just have the back side to finish off.. when he's home and it's not raining... we've had a fair bit of rain this summer, so it's rather impressive that we've got that much done.. also replaced the septic system this year.. always fun, that... lol...
Saturday, February 6, 2016
2016
Ok.. so things did get busy, but not in the ways we expected.. lol.. so I haven't had much chance too keep things updated.
Firstly, my computer had some issues.. it was mostly ok, except every time I'd open my browser and go online, everything would freeze up and crash.. which eventually meant switching browsers and a bunch of other craziness.. but I finally more or less have it sorted and behaving again :)
This made things a bit hard at times. We did get our homestudy completed, submitted and approved!!! We are home study approved (up to 2 children, ages 4 and under) as of early January 2016!! We are so happy about that. And we are really hoping we can find a match soon. We are still working independently, though we might later switch to an agency assist.
We have our profile booklets completed and one has been sent off for review. Will see if our consultants think we need to make any changes to it, but we have it done :)
We also had a bunch of craziness happen with our foster situation. We still have the toddler, now 3, E. She is doing great. She had some serious developmental delays, SPD and probable autism and she was pretty much non verbal. We got her into an early intervention program at the local school and she has made huge improvements. She's now talking! She's still below where she should be, but it's so wonderful! She's about a year behind now verbally, but she's learning and using new words every day. We're now in month 8 with her and still no indication of when she will be going back. We know she will be, just not when.. at this point we are hoping to keep her through the school year so she can maintain her progress. Still need to work on potty training :) But she's doing so much better. We haven't had the screaming tantrums in absolute ages.
One of the things that made a big difference for her was that in mid November we had MK and R (now 8 and 6) return to our care, so now she has a big brother and sister closer to her age to play with her and encourage her. We are not sure what is going to be going on with those two. They had spent 6 months back on trial placement with their bio mom. In September we were contacted about the possibility of having them come back to us, but then they were placed with their great grandparents instead. They stayed with them for about 2 months, but their great grandparents just couldn't keep up with the kids, so we were contacted in November about them again. Of course we said yes and took them back. Sadly, the kids have some behavioral issues that they didn't have a year ago, but we are working on them with them and progress is slowly being made.
So we currently have a full house with 3 youngsters. My step daughter M decided that she wanted to finish out her schooling by doing homeschooling, so she is now doing that. At 17 she's capable of deciding and being responsible enough to make that decision, and it frees her up to help her older sister, B2 with her new baby. That's right, we now have 3 granddaughters as well. G is now 8, I is about 19 months, and ID was born last October, so when we do adopt, there will be lots of niblings for them. B2 also has 2 older step daughters, ages 7 and 11, so we've a large groups of niblings. (Nibling is an older term that T discovered. It refers to cousins, friends, nieces/nephews and other related individuals of a similar age. We like the term and it serves us well.)
So that's where we are. We are hoping to find an adoptive match soon, but until then, we continue to foster. We would love to adopt our fosterlings, but it doesn't seem to be their plan, so we search elsewhere. If you know of anyone looking to place a child, newborn or toddler, please let them know about us :) We're not concerned about ethnicity or gender and are willing to discuss health issues, potential or otherwise. And we're willing to work on finding a level of openness that everyone is comfortable with.
Thanks so much!
Firstly, my computer had some issues.. it was mostly ok, except every time I'd open my browser and go online, everything would freeze up and crash.. which eventually meant switching browsers and a bunch of other craziness.. but I finally more or less have it sorted and behaving again :)
This made things a bit hard at times. We did get our homestudy completed, submitted and approved!!! We are home study approved (up to 2 children, ages 4 and under) as of early January 2016!! We are so happy about that. And we are really hoping we can find a match soon. We are still working independently, though we might later switch to an agency assist.
We have our profile booklets completed and one has been sent off for review. Will see if our consultants think we need to make any changes to it, but we have it done :)
We also had a bunch of craziness happen with our foster situation. We still have the toddler, now 3, E. She is doing great. She had some serious developmental delays, SPD and probable autism and she was pretty much non verbal. We got her into an early intervention program at the local school and she has made huge improvements. She's now talking! She's still below where she should be, but it's so wonderful! She's about a year behind now verbally, but she's learning and using new words every day. We're now in month 8 with her and still no indication of when she will be going back. We know she will be, just not when.. at this point we are hoping to keep her through the school year so she can maintain her progress. Still need to work on potty training :) But she's doing so much better. We haven't had the screaming tantrums in absolute ages.
One of the things that made a big difference for her was that in mid November we had MK and R (now 8 and 6) return to our care, so now she has a big brother and sister closer to her age to play with her and encourage her. We are not sure what is going to be going on with those two. They had spent 6 months back on trial placement with their bio mom. In September we were contacted about the possibility of having them come back to us, but then they were placed with their great grandparents instead. They stayed with them for about 2 months, but their great grandparents just couldn't keep up with the kids, so we were contacted in November about them again. Of course we said yes and took them back. Sadly, the kids have some behavioral issues that they didn't have a year ago, but we are working on them with them and progress is slowly being made.
So we currently have a full house with 3 youngsters. My step daughter M decided that she wanted to finish out her schooling by doing homeschooling, so she is now doing that. At 17 she's capable of deciding and being responsible enough to make that decision, and it frees her up to help her older sister, B2 with her new baby. That's right, we now have 3 granddaughters as well. G is now 8, I is about 19 months, and ID was born last October, so when we do adopt, there will be lots of niblings for them. B2 also has 2 older step daughters, ages 7 and 11, so we've a large groups of niblings. (Nibling is an older term that T discovered. It refers to cousins, friends, nieces/nephews and other related individuals of a similar age. We like the term and it serves us well.)
So that's where we are. We are hoping to find an adoptive match soon, but until then, we continue to foster. We would love to adopt our fosterlings, but it doesn't seem to be their plan, so we search elsewhere. If you know of anyone looking to place a child, newborn or toddler, please let them know about us :) We're not concerned about ethnicity or gender and are willing to discuss health issues, potential or otherwise. And we're willing to work on finding a level of openness that everyone is comfortable with.
Thanks so much!
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Submitted.. and now we wait
Well, after having my blogs all be pretty dead for a while.. things are picking back up and we might have a solid little busy spurt again...
This week we submitted our home study application. Just waiting on the FBI print background check, which we know will come back clear.. but other then that, I think our home study writer has everything she needs. We will be scheduling our home visits and interviews with her for after Labor day as T is out of town until the 10th anyway for work. She has another case she is finalizing and some court dates coming up for that so she wasn't really going to be free before then, so it worked out for both sides.
So now it's a bunch of hurry up and wait.. and wait.. and wait...
Also submitted our contract with the adoption consultant agency.. They won't match us with a Birth Mother, but they provide kind of a "college class" on how to find your Birth Mother, how to write up your profile, how to spot and avoid scams, etc.. so soon we will be starting that process, too... though, until we get the Home Study finalized, I can't actually start posting our profile anywhere or doing any actual "active" looking...
It's all very exciting, very nerve wracking, and, for me, very panic inducing.. which, for me, leads to questioning myself and, as hubby puts it, self sabotage.. But I'm trying to work on that, and to stay focused on the positives..
Meanwhile, we still have our little foster child.. she's going to be starting up with head start soon, and hopefully they can get her some of the therapies she needs. Her mom should be finding out what the "case plan" is this week, so we can better judge how long she might be staying with us, though I know she's been working very hard already to get the things done the judge told her she needed to be working on previously, so I suspect it won't be all that much longer. A few months more at most.
We would still love to adopt from foster care, but I can't put all my hopes in that one area anymore. We've decided to give this all another 2 years. If we don't have something in the works by then.. well, then I will just have to move on and try to accept that I won't be mommy in this life. It will be hard, it will be sad, and I will be a mess for a while, I'm sure.. But, if that time comes, it will be faced..
Meanwhile, I'm hoping for the best, planning for the day we get our baby, and just waiting for the next step in this process. And cleaning.. and trying to come up with fund raising ideas.. and looking for good photos for our profiles.. and...........
Please keep us in your prayers, and if you hear of anyone considering placing a child for adoption, please keep us in mind.. I'll soon be getting a dedicated email address set up, and eventually a phone line. And please, if you could forward our fund raising page along.. you never know :)
http://igg.me/at/dg6BFdr06TU
This week we submitted our home study application. Just waiting on the FBI print background check, which we know will come back clear.. but other then that, I think our home study writer has everything she needs. We will be scheduling our home visits and interviews with her for after Labor day as T is out of town until the 10th anyway for work. She has another case she is finalizing and some court dates coming up for that so she wasn't really going to be free before then, so it worked out for both sides.
So now it's a bunch of hurry up and wait.. and wait.. and wait...
Also submitted our contract with the adoption consultant agency.. They won't match us with a Birth Mother, but they provide kind of a "college class" on how to find your Birth Mother, how to write up your profile, how to spot and avoid scams, etc.. so soon we will be starting that process, too... though, until we get the Home Study finalized, I can't actually start posting our profile anywhere or doing any actual "active" looking...
It's all very exciting, very nerve wracking, and, for me, very panic inducing.. which, for me, leads to questioning myself and, as hubby puts it, self sabotage.. But I'm trying to work on that, and to stay focused on the positives..
Meanwhile, we still have our little foster child.. she's going to be starting up with head start soon, and hopefully they can get her some of the therapies she needs. Her mom should be finding out what the "case plan" is this week, so we can better judge how long she might be staying with us, though I know she's been working very hard already to get the things done the judge told her she needed to be working on previously, so I suspect it won't be all that much longer. A few months more at most.
We would still love to adopt from foster care, but I can't put all my hopes in that one area anymore. We've decided to give this all another 2 years. If we don't have something in the works by then.. well, then I will just have to move on and try to accept that I won't be mommy in this life. It will be hard, it will be sad, and I will be a mess for a while, I'm sure.. But, if that time comes, it will be faced..
Meanwhile, I'm hoping for the best, planning for the day we get our baby, and just waiting for the next step in this process. And cleaning.. and trying to come up with fund raising ideas.. and looking for good photos for our profiles.. and...........
Please keep us in your prayers, and if you hear of anyone considering placing a child for adoption, please keep us in mind.. I'll soon be getting a dedicated email address set up, and eventually a phone line. And please, if you could forward our fund raising page along.. you never know :)
http://igg.me/at/dg6BFdr06TU
Saturday, August 8, 2015
We have a contract..
Just wanted to post a quick update..
The facilitating agency we have been talking to sent us the contract this week. It arrived Friday for us to look over and think about. We have another phone conference on Thursday for questions and everything and then it will be time to decide if we're going to sign and send it in... I'm in a bit of a panic.. part of me wants to wait until we have the home study finished. That is getting close, we just need to finish up bios, get signed forms to OCS (which has just been waiting to have everyone actually home for as they have to have witnessed signatures..) and getting one or two more bits of info for the financial section (mostly all the investment stuff that is scattered between companies.. we really need to get that consolidated..), then waiting.. Have I mentioned I hate waiting? There shouldn't be any problems with that, but, I'm a worrier.. and I just, well, worry...
And I worry about the money as well. I know I just need to let go of all this worry. Place it all in the hands of Heavenly Father, but that is such a hard thing to do right now.. But I am trying..
Please pray for us. If you can, please donate, or spread the word for us. Once the home study is complete we will begin the search for our Birth Mother, and that is just going to really drive my nerves crazy :)
The facilitating agency we have been talking to sent us the contract this week. It arrived Friday for us to look over and think about. We have another phone conference on Thursday for questions and everything and then it will be time to decide if we're going to sign and send it in... I'm in a bit of a panic.. part of me wants to wait until we have the home study finished. That is getting close, we just need to finish up bios, get signed forms to OCS (which has just been waiting to have everyone actually home for as they have to have witnessed signatures..) and getting one or two more bits of info for the financial section (mostly all the investment stuff that is scattered between companies.. we really need to get that consolidated..), then waiting.. Have I mentioned I hate waiting? There shouldn't be any problems with that, but, I'm a worrier.. and I just, well, worry...
And I worry about the money as well. I know I just need to let go of all this worry. Place it all in the hands of Heavenly Father, but that is such a hard thing to do right now.. But I am trying..
Please pray for us. If you can, please donate, or spread the word for us. Once the home study is complete we will begin the search for our Birth Mother, and that is just going to really drive my nerves crazy :)
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
First meeting..
Well, we had our first phone meeting with the folks at Lifetime
Adoptions. It's all very exciting and nerve wracking.. They are mailing
us the contract to look over and we will have another meeting next week.
Right now we're kind of debating between them and the one Agency
actually in Alaska... Pros and Cons for both, of course... Lifetime
helps us get things rolling so we can find our birth mother on our own,
from all over the country, help us get our profiles set up, etc.. the
other Agency is more of the "full service" sort and finds the
birth mother for us in state, but we wouldn't really be able to do much
with them until we could take their class in January.. so it's all do
something now, or wait until next year.. and well.. I really don't want
to wait and put things off any more... I just really want everything to
go smoothly and quickly :)
Thursday, July 30, 2015
2015 pt 1 (i hope...)
Ok, so it's been, like, forever, since I last posted anything... You know how it goes.. Lots of nothing, then things get all crazy busy, things don't work out, and things slow down again and you debate if you really want to bother rehashing it all or not, or if you even can because sometimes the wounds are just too raw.. There's been some of that.. there's also been a LOT of down, doing nothing time.. but I will cover what I can...
Late last winter, we made the decision to look into getting a private home study done. We didn't need one for foster care, and, in Alaska, if you wind up adopting from foster care, they do a child specific home study for you for free. But, we're 3 years in to our fostering, and time to get that license renewed, but we'd had no bites at all at adoption that way, so we decided we'd get this done, if nothing else, it would allow us to look at foster kids that might be up for adoption in other states. So we got started on that. We're still working on it as hubby's job has been extra crazy this spring/summer and he hasn't been home all that much to get all of his parts done.
Meanwhile, we continue to foster.. MK and R went back to their mother about the same time we decided to work on a home study. We'd had them for about 6 months. We are still in contact with them and are trying to be a support for them and their mom right now as they continue to work the program she is on. That has been hard on me in some ways, but good in others.
Then we got a little 16 month old boy for about a month. He was just adorable and a sweetie pie, but we only had him while family members were getting cleared to take him... then in May we got a call about 2 boys, a bit older then we usually take, one in first grade, the other in kindergarten. We were told that the boys had been in and out of care for 4 years now and they would soon be moving to terminate and that, if we took placement of them, odds were high we'd be able to adopt them. We were given a very brief overview of their background but were assured there were no major issues with either of them. I reminded them that they hadn't been wanting to place with us as we were getting ready to leave state in a few weeks (we had a family wedding to attend out of state) but they insisted that they would clear everything so the boys could go with us. So we said yes. We were slightly nervous, but also hopeful. It wasn't quite the placement of our dreams, but, finally, here we had a chance. Things were hectic and crazy, and slowly began to fall apart. The boys had issues. More issues then we'd been told about. More serious issues then we'd been told about. The trip was a disaster for us. They boys were very good at putting on a show for others, but when it was just us, it was just terrible.
It broke my heart, but we knew that, no matter what wonderful visions I'd had, no matter how much I was trying, this was just not going to work for us, and worse, was not going to work for them. We had the boys less then a month, and it had already started taking a toll on my health. So, we asked that the boys be moved. I have to hope that they found a place that was better suited for them. I never should have said yes to their placement with us, and if we'd been told the things we should have been about their issues, I never would have. But they had a brand new caseworker who didn't really know their file, and I allowed myself to be suckered in by the "if you don't take them, we might have to break up the siblings" plea... and they know we want to adopt.. *sigh* It can be so hard to do this some times...
We took the whole month of June off from placements. We got several calls, but we turned them all down. I needed time. Emotional and physical. As I mentioned, the whole thing took a toll on my health and I needed time to de-stress and recover..
We did accept another placement.. also one that was just supposed to be a few weeks while a family member got cleared.. though the family placement fell through, so who knows how long we will have her at the moment. A little girl, not quite 3. She is a little stinker, but cute as a button and, when she's not having massive screaming tantrums (*sigh*) she's just about the sweetest thing..
Meanwhile, we're hoping to get all of our initial home study paperwork done by the end of August, and, we've been in contact with an adoption facilitator/agency and they've agreed to work with us. They are based in California but work with families from all over. We have our first phone meeting next week. I'm very excited, and also very nervous and scared. It is starting to feel more real. Which is kind of scary. I still have all of those stupid fears and emotional baggage... What if we never find a birth mother, what if no one thinks I'm worthy to be a mom.. what if it just never happens...
But, I am trying to think positive, to be positive and to keep on swimming...
Meanwhile.. we're doing fund raising. Conventional adoption can, sadly, be very expensive, and, while we think we've figured out how to fund it, it would be very much easier if we had more money set aside for it. (We actually had a decent sized chunk set aside, and then, well, things happened.. some good - M got the chance to go to Japan with a school group for a few weeks, and we had the family wedding to go to, oh and we had some legal fees for finally getting M's custody changed so she is with us full time now - and some not so good - the water heater died on us this summer, as did a freezer and the washing machine is acting up- but, even so, we still have some set aside..) So if you can help at all, that would be great.. Passing word along is helpful too.. http://www.youcaring.com/tom-and-davina-stuart-399717#.VbaFuCn3hXs.facebook
Also, we will likely be officially starting the birth mother hunt in the next few months, so passing word along about that would also be helpful. We should be getting a profile done in the next few months and I will post that when we do. We are open to all ethnic variations (we're all the same "race" after all - human) and genders and are willing to discuss levels of open-ness. And we are willing to travel, if need be, so we're not limited just to Alaska :)
That's our update.. Thanks all :)
Late last winter, we made the decision to look into getting a private home study done. We didn't need one for foster care, and, in Alaska, if you wind up adopting from foster care, they do a child specific home study for you for free. But, we're 3 years in to our fostering, and time to get that license renewed, but we'd had no bites at all at adoption that way, so we decided we'd get this done, if nothing else, it would allow us to look at foster kids that might be up for adoption in other states. So we got started on that. We're still working on it as hubby's job has been extra crazy this spring/summer and he hasn't been home all that much to get all of his parts done.
Meanwhile, we continue to foster.. MK and R went back to their mother about the same time we decided to work on a home study. We'd had them for about 6 months. We are still in contact with them and are trying to be a support for them and their mom right now as they continue to work the program she is on. That has been hard on me in some ways, but good in others.
Then we got a little 16 month old boy for about a month. He was just adorable and a sweetie pie, but we only had him while family members were getting cleared to take him... then in May we got a call about 2 boys, a bit older then we usually take, one in first grade, the other in kindergarten. We were told that the boys had been in and out of care for 4 years now and they would soon be moving to terminate and that, if we took placement of them, odds were high we'd be able to adopt them. We were given a very brief overview of their background but were assured there were no major issues with either of them. I reminded them that they hadn't been wanting to place with us as we were getting ready to leave state in a few weeks (we had a family wedding to attend out of state) but they insisted that they would clear everything so the boys could go with us. So we said yes. We were slightly nervous, but also hopeful. It wasn't quite the placement of our dreams, but, finally, here we had a chance. Things were hectic and crazy, and slowly began to fall apart. The boys had issues. More issues then we'd been told about. More serious issues then we'd been told about. The trip was a disaster for us. They boys were very good at putting on a show for others, but when it was just us, it was just terrible.
It broke my heart, but we knew that, no matter what wonderful visions I'd had, no matter how much I was trying, this was just not going to work for us, and worse, was not going to work for them. We had the boys less then a month, and it had already started taking a toll on my health. So, we asked that the boys be moved. I have to hope that they found a place that was better suited for them. I never should have said yes to their placement with us, and if we'd been told the things we should have been about their issues, I never would have. But they had a brand new caseworker who didn't really know their file, and I allowed myself to be suckered in by the "if you don't take them, we might have to break up the siblings" plea... and they know we want to adopt.. *sigh* It can be so hard to do this some times...
We took the whole month of June off from placements. We got several calls, but we turned them all down. I needed time. Emotional and physical. As I mentioned, the whole thing took a toll on my health and I needed time to de-stress and recover..
We did accept another placement.. also one that was just supposed to be a few weeks while a family member got cleared.. though the family placement fell through, so who knows how long we will have her at the moment. A little girl, not quite 3. She is a little stinker, but cute as a button and, when she's not having massive screaming tantrums (*sigh*) she's just about the sweetest thing..
Meanwhile, we're hoping to get all of our initial home study paperwork done by the end of August, and, we've been in contact with an adoption facilitator/agency and they've agreed to work with us. They are based in California but work with families from all over. We have our first phone meeting next week. I'm very excited, and also very nervous and scared. It is starting to feel more real. Which is kind of scary. I still have all of those stupid fears and emotional baggage... What if we never find a birth mother, what if no one thinks I'm worthy to be a mom.. what if it just never happens...
But, I am trying to think positive, to be positive and to keep on swimming...
Meanwhile.. we're doing fund raising. Conventional adoption can, sadly, be very expensive, and, while we think we've figured out how to fund it, it would be very much easier if we had more money set aside for it. (We actually had a decent sized chunk set aside, and then, well, things happened.. some good - M got the chance to go to Japan with a school group for a few weeks, and we had the family wedding to go to, oh and we had some legal fees for finally getting M's custody changed so she is with us full time now - and some not so good - the water heater died on us this summer, as did a freezer and the washing machine is acting up- but, even so, we still have some set aside..) So if you can help at all, that would be great.. Passing word along is helpful too.. http://www.youcaring.com/tom-and-davina-stuart-399717#.VbaFuCn3hXs.facebook
Also, we will likely be officially starting the birth mother hunt in the next few months, so passing word along about that would also be helpful. We should be getting a profile done in the next few months and I will post that when we do. We are open to all ethnic variations (we're all the same "race" after all - human) and genders and are willing to discuss levels of open-ness. And we are willing to travel, if need be, so we're not limited just to Alaska :)
That's our update.. Thanks all :)
Saturday, October 25, 2014
2014
Ugh.. ok.. probably the only post that's going to happen this year.. It has been.. hectic and emotional and all sorts of other things.. we had a placement this past spring that took a lot out of me. A little boy, T, who needed constant supervision. He had some anger control issues and, well there were issues between him and our dogs and a few other things. He was with us for about 4-5 months before we had to request he be moved elsewhere, after our littlest dog nearly died. It was a sad affair all around.
After he left, my youngest stepdaughter, M, came back up for the summer with the request of could she make this permanent this time. We, co course, had no problem with that, though there have been some issues with her mother. M was told (so we were told anyway) that it was up to her, however, when the time came for school to start, it was all a different story. M basically had to go to the airport and actually refuse to get on the plane. At this point it is wait and see until Alaska has jurisdiction again (a few more months..) and then we can request the actual change of custody.
I went back to work for the summer as well, as a little extra money when you have a teenager around is a good thing.. lol..
And then we got another placement. 2 children, MK, who just turned 7 earlier this month, and her 4 yr old brother, R. We've had them almost 2 months now. This is the first time we've had school aged children and it's a new experience.
I have learned one thing for certain. I can not "do it all." Working and trying to run the house and do things with the kids.. I just can't do it all, so we've made the decision for me to quit my job and come back home full time. So I will be doing that next month. (I _could_ have left earlier, gave notice 2 weeks ago, but one of the other employees had a vacation planned and that would leave them very short staffed, so felt it was only fair for me to stay til they came back) Just in time for Thanksgiving..
This will also be our first year with fosters in the house for the "big" holidays, so that will be interesting.
Still waiting and hoping for an adoptable placement, so please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
We are also giving consideration again to trying to find an agency thru which we can adopt an infant, just have to find one we can afford and find the money for that. If only adoption were really as "easy, quick and cheap" as it appears on tv and in movies.. *sigh*
After he left, my youngest stepdaughter, M, came back up for the summer with the request of could she make this permanent this time. We, co course, had no problem with that, though there have been some issues with her mother. M was told (so we were told anyway) that it was up to her, however, when the time came for school to start, it was all a different story. M basically had to go to the airport and actually refuse to get on the plane. At this point it is wait and see until Alaska has jurisdiction again (a few more months..) and then we can request the actual change of custody.
I went back to work for the summer as well, as a little extra money when you have a teenager around is a good thing.. lol..
And then we got another placement. 2 children, MK, who just turned 7 earlier this month, and her 4 yr old brother, R. We've had them almost 2 months now. This is the first time we've had school aged children and it's a new experience.
I have learned one thing for certain. I can not "do it all." Working and trying to run the house and do things with the kids.. I just can't do it all, so we've made the decision for me to quit my job and come back home full time. So I will be doing that next month. (I _could_ have left earlier, gave notice 2 weeks ago, but one of the other employees had a vacation planned and that would leave them very short staffed, so felt it was only fair for me to stay til they came back) Just in time for Thanksgiving..
This will also be our first year with fosters in the house for the "big" holidays, so that will be interesting.
Still waiting and hoping for an adoptable placement, so please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
We are also giving consideration again to trying to find an agency thru which we can adopt an infant, just have to find one we can afford and find the money for that. If only adoption were really as "easy, quick and cheap" as it appears on tv and in movies.. *sigh*
Friday, September 27, 2013
Changes
Well, September has been a hard month for me. I turned 40 and a lot of things have weighed on my mind and my heart. By this point, I have figured a lot of things would be different then they wound up being and I've had a hard time processing some of my emotions this month.
We talked with our licensing case worker and made some changes. We're kind of playing guinea pig for a new "profile flagging" option in their computer system. We are supposed to be flagged right now as pre-adoptive placements only. We decided we needed to focus on that aspect at the moment, since that is our goal. We have gotten at least one call a week this month from case workers looking for short term placements. So there are some issues either with the flagging system, or with case workers not paying attention.. I have hated to tell them no, but, at the same time, it is what is needed right now. However, this whole process has given me the chance to talk to quite a few of the caseworkers, so at least they are getting to know me and do ask what we are looking for, so perhaps something will come of all of this.
Meanwhile, we wait, and every time the phone rings, I wonder if this is it or not again...
We talked with our licensing case worker and made some changes. We're kind of playing guinea pig for a new "profile flagging" option in their computer system. We are supposed to be flagged right now as pre-adoptive placements only. We decided we needed to focus on that aspect at the moment, since that is our goal. We have gotten at least one call a week this month from case workers looking for short term placements. So there are some issues either with the flagging system, or with case workers not paying attention.. I have hated to tell them no, but, at the same time, it is what is needed right now. However, this whole process has given me the chance to talk to quite a few of the caseworkers, so at least they are getting to know me and do ask what we are looking for, so perhaps something will come of all of this.
Meanwhile, we wait, and every time the phone rings, I wonder if this is it or not again...
Thursday, August 29, 2013
And off they go....
Well, that was short. M and M's grandparents came back from their vacation with the older brother and requested custody of the 2 younger children as well. It will be a good thing for the children. The baby was doing really well, but the little girl was really sad all the time. She was just starting to settle in a bit here, but she will really do better with her grandparents, it will be easier for her psychologically.
We will miss them, but the priority is what is best for them. From what we hear, the grandparents are going to be seeking permanent custody because of the situation, and this was apparently not the first time the kids have been taken, so I hope they can provide a more stable environment for them.
So, I'm cleaning everything and getting things ready for the next round. We have asked to be moved to pre-adoptive placements only, so not sure how long it will be before we have another placement. M&M's caseworker sounded optimistic when I spoke with her when dropping off the kids. She asked what sort of placements we were looking for and I was honest with her. She mentioned there might be a few coming up soon, so we will see.
I am trying to stay positive and hopeful and as ready as I can be for whatever comes next.
We will miss them, but the priority is what is best for them. From what we hear, the grandparents are going to be seeking permanent custody because of the situation, and this was apparently not the first time the kids have been taken, so I hope they can provide a more stable environment for them.
So, I'm cleaning everything and getting things ready for the next round. We have asked to be moved to pre-adoptive placements only, so not sure how long it will be before we have another placement. M&M's caseworker sounded optimistic when I spoke with her when dropping off the kids. She asked what sort of placements we were looking for and I was honest with her. She mentioned there might be a few coming up soon, so we will see.
I am trying to stay positive and hopeful and as ready as I can be for whatever comes next.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
August
Well, August is here. It's re certification month for us. We had our home check evaluation done last Tuseday (the 13th..) All went well for that, though I am thinking about making some changes in what we are looking for/doing. More on that if/when I figure anything out. Our licensing worker did ask if it would be ok for her to put us on a list for a prospective adoption placement for a sibling group. Oldest is a wee bit above what we "wanted" but within what we are licensed for. So we will have to see if anything comes of that..
Anyway, the following day, I got a phone call. Shortly after 5 pm, the phone rang and they wanted to know if we could take in an emergency placement. They were getting ready to take custody of 2 little kids and needed a place for them to come. "Could be one night, could be several," sort of thing. (which always means it could be several months or something as well....) 7 month old little boy, whom we shall call Mike, and a barely 3 year old little girl, whom we'll call Molly. Obviously, those aren't their names, but it will work, and combined, I can call them M&M.. which is just cute.. :)
No idea what the situation is or what happened, but they seem like great little kids. Molly, obviously, is sad about being here and just wants to go home. They had their first visit with mom on Friday and, oye, the ride back home afterwards was traumatic. Mom and dad call in the evenings before bed time to talk to Molly, though being a typical 2/3 year old, she doesn't really know how phone conversations work.. :)
Mike is a typical 7 month old. Bright, attentive, in to everything. Overall happy little baby. We will see how things go and how long they are here. We've been told that grand parents are likely going to step in, so, at present, we don't foresee them being here long term, but, you never know. Monday we have another parent visit, and a pre-existing doctor's appointment that mom is going to tag along for. Things could get interesting there.
They are keeping me busy though.. soon as one goes down for a nap, the other wakes up..
Will update when I get the chance.
Anyway, the following day, I got a phone call. Shortly after 5 pm, the phone rang and they wanted to know if we could take in an emergency placement. They were getting ready to take custody of 2 little kids and needed a place for them to come. "Could be one night, could be several," sort of thing. (which always means it could be several months or something as well....) 7 month old little boy, whom we shall call Mike, and a barely 3 year old little girl, whom we'll call Molly. Obviously, those aren't their names, but it will work, and combined, I can call them M&M.. which is just cute.. :)
No idea what the situation is or what happened, but they seem like great little kids. Molly, obviously, is sad about being here and just wants to go home. They had their first visit with mom on Friday and, oye, the ride back home afterwards was traumatic. Mom and dad call in the evenings before bed time to talk to Molly, though being a typical 2/3 year old, she doesn't really know how phone conversations work.. :)
Mike is a typical 7 month old. Bright, attentive, in to everything. Overall happy little baby. We will see how things go and how long they are here. We've been told that grand parents are likely going to step in, so, at present, we don't foresee them being here long term, but, you never know. Monday we have another parent visit, and a pre-existing doctor's appointment that mom is going to tag along for. Things could get interesting there.
They are keeping me busy though.. soon as one goes down for a nap, the other wakes up..
Will update when I get the chance.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Renewal.
Next week we are having our annual home inspection for our license renewal. I had hoped to have a serious placement by now. We don't. We haven't had an actual placement since December. At the training I went to in June, I was informed that the majority of placements they've had this year have been teenagers. We're licensed for ages 7 and under, so they haven't had any calls for us.
This has been a very hard year for me emotionally, and not having any movement at all in this has been depressing. I did have one short bright spot a few weeks ago. We got a call asking if we could do respite for a family in Anchorage. They have 5 older children and had twin 3 year old boys in foster care. Mom had just been in the hospital and needed a bit of a break and they had heard from members of our church that we had a foster license and didn't currently have a placement. There were some other things going on as well, but we had the boys with us for 4 days.
They were four exhausting, wonderful days where I was tired, but oh, so very happy. We bonded very quickly with the boys and I still miss them terribly. It's kind of cruel and funny that we left Anchorage so we could provide a better home, yet, if we were still in town, we'd have better luck at getting an adoptable placement.
Anyway, so I am busy prepping for our home inspection. I'm not worried about it. I know we have a good home environment, and I'm pas the point of panic for the licensing inspection. I'm also trying to deal with a sudden abundance of produce that we've gotten and am busy trying to do a lot of canning, freezing, and may even fire up the dehydrator.
And, because there must always be some minor disaster, our washing machine has broken. We took the whole thing apart last weekend to figure out what was wrong. It had had some drainage problems and was making horrid clunking noises. We did find the problem, and it is fixable, but we did have to pull it out into the middle of the basement floor and take it completely to pieces. The part has been ordered and we await delivery, but odds are it will not arrive before inspection, and we don't want to put it back together just to take it apart again.. and no one is in the basement at present, so, we shall just hope for the best on that score.. We also have a few bits of furniture down there still that need to go to Fairbanks for B2 who is now up there for college. A few things did not fit in or on her car, so they are awaiting another trip.
Things are crazy, as always. While we are waiting for the washing machine part, I have been visiting laundromats, which about shocked me to death at the rates these days.. I mean, sure, it's been 12 years since I've needed to go to on, but, yikes! $3.50 a load just o wash?? So after our initial "catch up" loads, I've been doing most things by hand at home. Thankfully our dryer still works, though, as warm as it's been, I'd just make Hubby put up the outside clothes line we have tucked away in the basement and pick up some clothes pins :)
Life is always a challenge. I just have to keep hoping that the placement I want and need will find it's way to me soon. Meanwhile, sounds like I"m about to come into raspberries :)
This has been a very hard year for me emotionally, and not having any movement at all in this has been depressing. I did have one short bright spot a few weeks ago. We got a call asking if we could do respite for a family in Anchorage. They have 5 older children and had twin 3 year old boys in foster care. Mom had just been in the hospital and needed a bit of a break and they had heard from members of our church that we had a foster license and didn't currently have a placement. There were some other things going on as well, but we had the boys with us for 4 days.
They were four exhausting, wonderful days where I was tired, but oh, so very happy. We bonded very quickly with the boys and I still miss them terribly. It's kind of cruel and funny that we left Anchorage so we could provide a better home, yet, if we were still in town, we'd have better luck at getting an adoptable placement.
Anyway, so I am busy prepping for our home inspection. I'm not worried about it. I know we have a good home environment, and I'm pas the point of panic for the licensing inspection. I'm also trying to deal with a sudden abundance of produce that we've gotten and am busy trying to do a lot of canning, freezing, and may even fire up the dehydrator.
And, because there must always be some minor disaster, our washing machine has broken. We took the whole thing apart last weekend to figure out what was wrong. It had had some drainage problems and was making horrid clunking noises. We did find the problem, and it is fixable, but we did have to pull it out into the middle of the basement floor and take it completely to pieces. The part has been ordered and we await delivery, but odds are it will not arrive before inspection, and we don't want to put it back together just to take it apart again.. and no one is in the basement at present, so, we shall just hope for the best on that score.. We also have a few bits of furniture down there still that need to go to Fairbanks for B2 who is now up there for college. A few things did not fit in or on her car, so they are awaiting another trip.
Things are crazy, as always. While we are waiting for the washing machine part, I have been visiting laundromats, which about shocked me to death at the rates these days.. I mean, sure, it's been 12 years since I've needed to go to on, but, yikes! $3.50 a load just o wash?? So after our initial "catch up" loads, I've been doing most things by hand at home. Thankfully our dryer still works, though, as warm as it's been, I'd just make Hubby put up the outside clothes line we have tucked away in the basement and pick up some clothes pins :)
Life is always a challenge. I just have to keep hoping that the placement I want and need will find it's way to me soon. Meanwhile, sounds like I"m about to come into raspberries :)
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Pathways to Adoption
So last month I went to a training session for foster parents who are interested in adoption. While I was there I learned about a new program they are starting up where those of us wanting to adopt write up brief family profiles that will get sent to all the caseworkers in the state so when a child become adoptable, they will have a "short list" of available families.
Today, I got our profile finished and submitted. Yay!! So now we go back to waiting.. but, we're a step closer.
Today, I got our profile finished and submitted. Yay!! So now we go back to waiting.. but, we're a step closer.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Etsy shop
I just started up an etsy store to try and help fund our adoption home study fees and, well, everything else.. :) I've got a few baby quilts up right now, and am busy working on a few more to try and get those posted here soon, along with some other projects. so please take a look and pass the word along :) Thanks
http://www.etsy.com/shop/AccidentalPerfection
I've got a few little baby blankets posted in there right now, and am working on getting a few more done, and have a couple of other projects I'm working on as well and hope to get them posted soon as well.
So far we are still without a placement, so getting an adoption home study done might help a bit as it will mean we can look and think about children available in other states as well.
I do have another foster/adopt training day coming up later this month and that might help with networking.
I just hate the waiting
http://www.etsy.com/shop/AccidentalPerfection
I've got a few little baby blankets posted in there right now, and am working on getting a few more done, and have a couple of other projects I'm working on as well and hope to get them posted soon as well.
So far we are still without a placement, so getting an adoption home study done might help a bit as it will mean we can look and think about children available in other states as well.
I do have another foster/adopt training day coming up later this month and that might help with networking.
I just hate the waiting
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
April
Well, looks like things are a bust at LDSFS.. They have a policy about not working with families that have more then 2 children.. so, since Hubby has kids from his first marriage, even though we didn't raise any of them, etc, etc.. we're not eligible to work with them.
I'm a bit of a heart broken mess. Not sure why they didn't nix us for that the first time we spoke with them years ago, but here we are. They won't even provide us with a home study that we could maybe use elsewhere... Was hoping for at least that much since they charge much less then everyone else we've been told about in state (like 2-3 times less...) So now, I don't know where we're going on that front. I really thought that maybe this would be something..
And, of course, it's National Infertility Awareness week, which just makes things all the more painful.. but, what can I do?
We're still waiting for another foster placement. Who knows when that will happen or what that will bring. And I'm going to be going low-tech for the next month or so.. one of our neighbors is going out of state to deal with some family medical issues and couldn't take her kids, so I will be watching them during the day while her husband is at work. Was planning on using the little bit of money I'll be getting from this on our home study. Now, who knows.. from what we've been told it won't cover the cost from any other agency.. But I don't know..
I just want to be mommy so bad and it just hurts so very much that I can't be.
I'm a bit of a heart broken mess. Not sure why they didn't nix us for that the first time we spoke with them years ago, but here we are. They won't even provide us with a home study that we could maybe use elsewhere... Was hoping for at least that much since they charge much less then everyone else we've been told about in state (like 2-3 times less...) So now, I don't know where we're going on that front. I really thought that maybe this would be something..
And, of course, it's National Infertility Awareness week, which just makes things all the more painful.. but, what can I do?
We're still waiting for another foster placement. Who knows when that will happen or what that will bring. And I'm going to be going low-tech for the next month or so.. one of our neighbors is going out of state to deal with some family medical issues and couldn't take her kids, so I will be watching them during the day while her husband is at work. Was planning on using the little bit of money I'll be getting from this on our home study. Now, who knows.. from what we've been told it won't cover the cost from any other agency.. But I don't know..
I just want to be mommy so bad and it just hurts so very much that I can't be.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Changes... again..
Ok.. so it's been a while.. a lot of nothing has happened on the adoption or fostering front.. It's been a quiet winter since our "almost" Thanksgiving..
Hubby and I just finished a few adopting through foster care type classes. We've learned a lot and have started making some connections that might help us down the line. I will be attending another class in June, and we might be doing some other stuff in July.. we will see how all of that goes. I have a LOT of phone calls and emails to make this week.
It was also a bit depressing as we learned that part of why we haven't been getting calls for placement is because our name is at the bottom of the list, due to alphabetical placement. *sigh* That is always annoying to hear, as there really isn't much we can do about it but wait and hope.
Some of this has led to some possible changes we might be making, or adding to our quest to be parents. Years ago we had started talking with LDS Family Services about their adoption program. We had just gotten started with it when we moved and had some other things come up and it got halted, and then other things happened and we just never got back to them. Then Hubby deployed, and then, well, we decided to try adopting through foster care. But after some discussion today, Hubby said that maybe it was time to call them again. So that's another call I will be making this week. I've no idea how we will pay for an adoption from them after the set backs we've had this year (more on that in a bit..) but I am sure that, if it happens, we will find a way!
Now, as for those set backs.. About a week after my last post (so early December) I came down with a really, really bad case of whatever stomach bug was going around. It was nasty. I became severely dehydrated and my blood pressure dropped by at _least_ 40 points.. So early December was not a fun time for me as it was all wait and see if I'm going to wind up hospitalized.. Thankfully, I did manage to recover and all is once again well with the world of my health. No idea why it hit me so much harder then it hit everyone else, but so hope it doesn't ever come back.. Other things.. you may recall Hubby had gotten laid off late last summer. He'd found a job fairly quickly, only about a month of unemployment, but it was at a much lower pay rate then he'd been at previously. We managed, but things were tight. And then we had some trouble with our septic line, which ate up a chunk of our savings.. Anyway, 6 months later, just before Valentine's day.. Hubby got laid off, again. Very unexpectedly, very suddenly and at the very worst time possible. Just days before his company laid him off, another company laid off about 70 electricians, so the market was flooded. It has taken 2 months for him to find a job, but we are so happy that he is working again. It has been very hard the last 2 months. We've eaten through most of what was left of our savings and had to dip into some credit in order to keep everyone paid. Thankfully, we have a very well stocked and large pantry and food storage, so we've been able to not worry about where the next meal would come, and even have been able to eat "normally" with only a few items needed from the store here and there. Of course, now I need to restock! :)
He still won't be making his "big" wages from before his first lay off, but it is a good job, should be stable, and it is something he really thinks he is going to enjoy doing (because he will be able to pretend he's part of the Thunderbird team.. lol). He will be working mostly doing maintenance of equipment for an oil spill response team, though at the moment, most of his work will be in town, so he is looking forward to an improvement in the weather so he can ride his motorcycle to work.
Anyway, so that is where we are right now. We're still waiting, but doing what we can to move forward and try to make ourselves a better potential home.
Hubby and I just finished a few adopting through foster care type classes. We've learned a lot and have started making some connections that might help us down the line. I will be attending another class in June, and we might be doing some other stuff in July.. we will see how all of that goes. I have a LOT of phone calls and emails to make this week.
It was also a bit depressing as we learned that part of why we haven't been getting calls for placement is because our name is at the bottom of the list, due to alphabetical placement. *sigh* That is always annoying to hear, as there really isn't much we can do about it but wait and hope.
Some of this has led to some possible changes we might be making, or adding to our quest to be parents. Years ago we had started talking with LDS Family Services about their adoption program. We had just gotten started with it when we moved and had some other things come up and it got halted, and then other things happened and we just never got back to them. Then Hubby deployed, and then, well, we decided to try adopting through foster care. But after some discussion today, Hubby said that maybe it was time to call them again. So that's another call I will be making this week. I've no idea how we will pay for an adoption from them after the set backs we've had this year (more on that in a bit..) but I am sure that, if it happens, we will find a way!
Now, as for those set backs.. About a week after my last post (so early December) I came down with a really, really bad case of whatever stomach bug was going around. It was nasty. I became severely dehydrated and my blood pressure dropped by at _least_ 40 points.. So early December was not a fun time for me as it was all wait and see if I'm going to wind up hospitalized.. Thankfully, I did manage to recover and all is once again well with the world of my health. No idea why it hit me so much harder then it hit everyone else, but so hope it doesn't ever come back.. Other things.. you may recall Hubby had gotten laid off late last summer. He'd found a job fairly quickly, only about a month of unemployment, but it was at a much lower pay rate then he'd been at previously. We managed, but things were tight. And then we had some trouble with our septic line, which ate up a chunk of our savings.. Anyway, 6 months later, just before Valentine's day.. Hubby got laid off, again. Very unexpectedly, very suddenly and at the very worst time possible. Just days before his company laid him off, another company laid off about 70 electricians, so the market was flooded. It has taken 2 months for him to find a job, but we are so happy that he is working again. It has been very hard the last 2 months. We've eaten through most of what was left of our savings and had to dip into some credit in order to keep everyone paid. Thankfully, we have a very well stocked and large pantry and food storage, so we've been able to not worry about where the next meal would come, and even have been able to eat "normally" with only a few items needed from the store here and there. Of course, now I need to restock! :)
He still won't be making his "big" wages from before his first lay off, but it is a good job, should be stable, and it is something he really thinks he is going to enjoy doing (because he will be able to pretend he's part of the Thunderbird team.. lol). He will be working mostly doing maintenance of equipment for an oil spill response team, though at the moment, most of his work will be in town, so he is looking forward to an improvement in the weather so he can ride his motorcycle to work.
Anyway, so that is where we are right now. We're still waiting, but doing what we can to move forward and try to make ourselves a better potential home.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
the placement that almost was
This past weekend was a very hard one for me. Thanksgiving was this past week and my middle step-daughter flew in for the weekend, so we had both the younger girls, and the older one and the grand daughter were all over for our big dinner. Now, the girls' maternal grandparents live up here too, so they often go to see them while they are here. This year, their mother was also up to visit her parents for Thanksgiving, so the 2 younger girls went over to the grandparents' home for Thursday's festivities, so we decided to have ours on Friday. This really isn't all that unusual, as we've had all sorts of work schedule and flight delays and such, so it's something that happens once in a while.. Anyway, Friday comes around and Tom and the girls decide to go into Anchorage to do some Black Friday shopping while I get things going at home. (For the record, I did black Friday once.. and have vowed never to do it again, so my going wasn't an option.. lol and it's kinda nice to have the house to myself and calmly get things together, not to mention getting to sleep in a bit..)
So I'm home alone, cooking and getting a few things taken care of when the phone rings. It's OCS asking if we'd be willing to possibly take a medically fragile 6/7 month old little girl. She was worn without a pituitary gland and her parents were having trouble dealing with the required medical care. (Basically, she needs daily shots, weekly doctor's visits and her stress levels have to be carefully watched... there's other stuff too, but that's the basics..) They had been having trouble caring for her and their older toddler and the state was looking at stepping in for the baby.
So I texted Tom the let him know that he needed to call me as soon as he could. I swear, I barely hit send when the phone rang and it was Tom. He was calling about something entirely different, but it was crazy. So I talked to him about this, and he agreed that it was something we could do. So I called them back and told them we'd be willing, and they were going to have another case worker call me with the details. It was back and forth all day as they were dealing with the parents and the doctors and everything. And, of course, I was now running around trying to take an inventory of what I have, what I'd need, etc.. But, but by about 2PM, we got the call saying they were not going to be taking the child into custody, mom was starting to finally seem to get the training they were trying to give her, so, they all went back out to the village.
I, of course, was devastated. I mean, I'm glad that mom and dad were starting to get things and all, but, I had gotten so excited about this placement possibility.. a baby in the house for Christmas and all.. It has taken me days to get over this failed placement. I never even saw her picture nor was I told her name, but those few short hours where she was a possibility.. I got very attached to her. They will be keeping us in mind if they need to pull her later, though, and I got to speak to several new caseworkers who will be able to keep us in mind for other cases as well, and they know we're interested in adoption, too, so.. networking, that would be the silver lining.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
And off she goes...
Last Friday our little foster girl left us. It is a good move for her. They found a foster placement that could take her and her siblings, so they can all be together again. So it's a good thing for her. Has been hard for me though. Tom was gone most of last week, working on a little island out in the middle of nowhere. The sort of place where you bring all your food with you because there isn't anything at all out there. So he wasn't home for the transfer.
It's just hard though. I'm getting the room all ready for Christmas though, just in case we get another placement by then. I really hope we get an adoptable placement soon. I need that. Really. I need that.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
November
Ok.. I just have to say.. I would so like to go back and redo the last month completely differently, not due to anything related to H, really, though we have seen the end of the honeymoon period and she has started pushing more, but mostly due to other household and teenager related issues... We had our home visit and all of that went well. We had an actual visit with mom on Halloween. It was kind of short notice and there were some last minute changes, but she did get to visit with mom for a bit, which was good. And she continues to have nightly phone calls with dad. We got a call from the caseworker today. H will be leaving us this week, they are just waiting on an approval from her tribe and then they will be moving her into the same home her siblings are in. We will be sad to have her leave, but it will be good for her to be in the same home as her siblings, and will make scheduling easier for everyone.
Not sure when she will be leaving. We were told that it could be Monday or Tuesday that they get the approval and then she'd likely to be moved that day or the next.
So we wait and see, and then wait for the next placement, hoping, of course, that we will get an adoptable one soon.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
about a month in
Well, we're not quite to the one month mark, but, a lot of crazy fun has happened. "H" is a great little girl. We are having so much fun with her. She is very smart and has been working with some really old computer software (muppet baby learning software, from like 1997...) on a really old laptop (about the only thing the lap top can run, and it's about the only thing that doesn't reject the software..) that is helping her with capitol and small letters and same and different, as well as her computer skills. She's also got a Sesame Street art program from the same era. There are a few other games in the program, but she's not quite up to them yet, but she is getting there.
We have been going to story time at the library and she has been having fun. Last week we had a fireman there and they got to crawl around inside the fire truck.
We also had a doctor's visit last week and are waiting on visits with the dentist and a cardiologist for a heart murmur the doctor noticed last week, though he's not worried about it, just, while she has access to care, get in as much as we can.
She got to visit with her siblings 2 weeks ago, and this past weekend she got to visit with her maternal grandparents and an older sister that they are raising.
Today we had a home visit with her caseworker and got caught up on what is going on. Looks like she will not be with us much longer as they are going to be moving on getting all 3 of the kids in the same home. There will be a meeting to plan that in about 2 weeks, and sometime after that, depending on how things go at the meeting, she will likely be leaving our care. This makes me sad, but at the same time, she really should be with her siblings, and the plan for these kids is reunification with their father, if not with their mother, so she doesn't really fit with our plans for adoption, so we will move on. And try not to have too much of a break down when she goes.
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